Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Urban Nomad Shelters

Not your Uncle's Cardboard Box.

The Urban Nomad Shelter uses a self-conscious "design culture" aesthetic (think Target or Ikea) to re-brand the homeless and re-map urban real estate. The neon-colored cocoons work like soft pushpins on a city plan, making it impossible not to see the homeless and not to see them as human. As Kennedy put it, "The design makes a complex issue visible with the added virtue of operating on multiple platforms."



As easy as it is to ridicule the idea of 're-branding' the homeless, it makes good sense....take your average rational homeless person, give them a makeover and an outfit from the Gap and voila, you've got John or Jane Citizen.

In a time where respectable businessmen with cellphone ear buds look like ranting streetcorner lunatics, the reality that we're all human beings is underlined even more boldly.


Beyond suggesting market possibilities, the larva-like shelter subtly makes the point that this is transitional housing—so transitional that it doesn't allow for any kind of personalization. These walls would collapse if you tried to pin anything on them.


As a big metaphor buff, I really like that part about larva and transition.
Helping a homeless person think of their situation as a developmental stage instead of an end result, even on a highfalutin' metaphorical level, can only be good.

I think they're a bit optimistic about the shelters being personalization proof...the human need to imprint on their environment isn't going to be denied because the house will collapse on your head if you tack a picture to the wall.

But overall, a pretty snazzy implementation of a necessary item.

What To Do with a Rough Day

Today's ration of news has me uncertain if depression or violence is the answer.

Knowing that I am the sky and today's events are simply temporary events passing through my awareness is all fine and dandy, but in the short term I'd like a glimpse of the sun now, not at some randomly determined point in the future.

The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry offers a history of the hippies favorite short-cut.

Hmmm.....it's sounding pretty good!

Politics: The Preznit-wit

He can't even pretend to care.



President Bush plays a guitar presented to him by Country Singer Mark Wills, right, backstage following his visit to Naval Base Coronado, Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2005.


By the 30th the full extent of the hurricane disaster was clear.

Oh well, I guess since it's mostly black Americans who've had their lives wiped off the map in Louisiana, there's no reason for Chimpy to get his feathers ruffled.

I mean after all, he's cutting his five week vacation short- what more do we WANT from him?

White People 'Find'.....Black People 'Loot',


photo caption from Yahoo:
Two residents wade through chest-deep water after finding bread and soda from a local grocery store after Hurricane Katrina came through the area in New Orleans, Louisiana.



photo caption from Yahoo

A young man walks through chest deep flood water after looting a grocery store in New Orleans on Tuesday, Aug. 30, 2005. Flood waters continue to rise in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina did extensive damage....



Posted on the off chance anyone was still in doubt about the endemic institutionalized racism prevelent in many areas of our society, including (perhaps especially?) the news media.

Good Sticker

seen on a bike during my walk to work:

"My Other Bike is a Bike"


Tickled me for some reason.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Movie: The Aristocrats

So this guy walks into a booking agent's office....



Finally saw this much anticipated documentary last night with the wife and some friends- it was a solid, interesting film with its share of hilarious moments, and I recommend it to everyone with a moderately high tolerance for the creative verbal exploration of sexual and extractory combinations possible between a Nuclear family and their pet.

But I didn't get the same transgressive charge a lot of folks seem to from the scatalogical & deviant nature of the joke- neither did the wife.

After some discussion, we decided it was because the kind of no holds (or holes) barred full-contact humor that is the heart of the film isn't that much different from the kinds of things we use to make each other laugh, and the kind of family humor that permeates our relationship with my brother in law and sister in law.

The very thought of someone anally penetrating a retarded child is enough to send some sensitive souls fleeing the cinema (as happened to a middle aged couple seated near us), but taken in the context of a joke, I'm left saying to myself "...and?"
I've come up with much worse than that when some cell phone zombie in an SUV cuts me off, or when I forget I've put a loaf in the oven to brown and the smoke detector starts shrieking.

The two funniest parts, for me, were not traditional verbal tellings at all.
One guy worked the joke into his slight-of-hand act with two decks of cards, and earned an enthusiastic ovation from our audience.
Another one, Billy the Mime, did the joke in mime form on a busy street...the reactions of the ladies eating at the cafe behind him were every bit as funny as his mime-tastic sexual antics with a dog.

The most interesting parts to me were critiques of the joke and why it works and its history as a 'secret handshake' among working comedians. George Carlin, our most cerebral comedian, had the best insights on the inner logic of the joke and the best way to tell it (even as his filmed delivery was a bit flat).

I don't think the movie was completely successful because it never fully delivers on its promise to show what goes on between comics when the audience goes home.

The early segments frame the joke in a jazz improv context- comics getting together and trying to top each other in depravity, creativity and stamina, a comedy version of the cutting contests between jazz musicians in New Orleans that determined the artistic pecking order.

But few of the comics involved deliver on that promise.
You get them talking about the joke like Carlin, or telling jokes about the joke, like Martin Mull or Robin Williams, or chatting about the first time they heard it, or who told it best.

But when it comes to delivering their profane payload, most of them reacted like blushing brides on their wedding night, reluctant and coy.

The one guy who seemed to dig in with unfeigned relish is Bob Saget of all people, who works some remarkably foul, profane ideas into the joke brilliantly...but even he's cut off midway through, called away to do a show.

The impression I got was of a bunch of people who didn't want to give the game away. They told the joke, but knowing they were on camera and exposed to an audience beyond the insiders hanging around the club at 3am they pulled their punches.

The reason the joke is underground is the reason nobody with a career to protect will actually cut loose with it on film...to tell it right, you are shattering taboos guaranteed to offend the maximum number of customers. And in our modern era of digital media, an isolated clip can live forever on-line.

There's a section near the end where various folk discuss how the joke seems less dangerous in the media-saturated present than in days gone by.

Given the general reluctance to really cut loose in the telling, I'm not sure I agree with them.

Attn DT: Saw Aristocrats tonight

Full report in the morning.

Move Over, Bottled Salad Dressing...make room for Aggregated Diamond Nanorods!

Poor diamond...first its rep is sullied by those sticky, never-ending genocidal conflicts in Africa funded by blood diamonds, now it's not even the hardest substance in the world any more.

Tough week!

Monday, August 29, 2005

Midwestern Readers

If I have any, I demand an explanation for this.


And while you're at it, how about this?
Is there a sequel to that game, perhaps called Reach Around?


I only hope the two passtimes never meet...that could get ugly.

DIY Internet: iPod speakers

yowza!

Afterschool D&D Promotion

Good lord.

Just what already socially discredited nerds need, a rep for hanging out in the library after school playing D&D....

Museum for the King

The Jack 'King' Kirby virtual museum is open for business.

I never liked Kirby's art during my youth, when I was a fairly obsessed comic collector. To be fair my prime was well past his, during which he more or less invented Marvel Comics (Stan Lee's vocal protestations notwithstanding). I've always thought of comics as a medium of the artist- you can give the greatest script in the world to a crap-ragous artist and the result is going to be garbage.

Kirby was boldly and expressively cartoony. His figures always looked like they'd been carved from a block of stone, and his only concession to detail were thick, black squiggles of ink on every available surface.

By the time I started reading comics "seriously", a new realism was marching over the horizon, spearheaded by Neal Adams. Lots of lines, lots of detail...just what my preadolescent mind craved. The favorite artists of my comic maturity were all obvious descendents from the Adams school- guys like the early Bill Sienkiewicz, before he became a Russian Furturist...the final expression of the Adams style was John Byrne- Adams streamlined, with all the threatening edges removed.

And actually, the Adams realism turned out to be a dead end...comics are comics, not movies or photo albums. Eventually, the heirs of Adams begat their own heirs, guys who took Neal's line-heavy realism to the only place it could go- grotesque exaggeration.

As I aged, I began to switch alligience from the heirs of Adams to the heirs of Kirby, formost among them Frank Miller, who took Kirby's monumental style to its extreme with the Sin City series, comic story as woodcut novel. An even more direct successor is Mike Mignola, who even goes in for the thick black squiggles.

Now that I'm old and don't really read comics other than the occasional graphic novel that catches my eye, I have a better appreciation and respect for ol' Jack. I still don't like his art that much, but I can appreciate the bottomless energy and creativity he brough to the medium. And in the battle of descendents, his followers administer a hearty ass-whipping to the neo-realists.

So cheers, Jack.

You created so many other brilliant characters, it would be petty to hold Devil Dinosaur & the Forever People against you.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

game: ZOMBIE

Here's a web-browser based Zombie MMORPG.

(for my gaming-impaired readers, MMORPG = massively multiple online role playing game...like Everquest).

More zombies in the mix = good, unless we're talking about remakes of Dawn of the Dead.

Customers: Bags

A lot of times you'll ask someone if they want a bag and get a weird, rambling answer, like you've caught them by surprise and they're trying to buy time while they think of something that will get you off their back.

Here is one such interaction with a portly middle aged gentleman wearing possibly the filthiest, most pestilent ball cap in my experience.


Me:
Do you need a bag?
customer:
*loudly clears throat* Hurrrrm.
(long pause, I start wondering if he heard me.)
I don't think that will really be necessary, actually.


for the record, my boilerplate responses to the question are "yes, please" or "no, thank you".

Einstein!

In an effort to raise the level of intellectual discourse on this site, I present:

Einstein's 1925 Quantum Physics Manuscript


EAT IT!

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Movie: The Aristocrats

a professor friend of ours went to see The Aristocrats and this conversation was overheard:

professor friend, making his usual bold entrance:
The Aristocrats! Whattaya hear about the Aristocrats!
movie guy:
Well...are you easily offended?
professor friend:
FUCK no!

(general hilarity)

Pinoy Fever....catch it!

my ruse worked....more blogfodder!

You guys dont understand. Rahman is not calling out everyfighter only the ones he think he has hunger for. Right now he believes he has that special hunger against vitali same hunger he had when he called out lennox lewis.

I have never heard rahman take it so personal against a fighter like vitali....last time he took this personal aggression was against lennox lewis. And we all know what rahman did to lewis in south africa.....

Maybe its true rahamn may not have that special hunger against other fighters....but in his mind he believes that hunger has come back against a guy he believes may give him that special boost. So we have to wait until fight time....im sure you guys will be very surprised what i mean about all of this what im saying. You just dont understand about the power of the mind...sometimes a human mind may not function at its best sometimes..but when that persons mind is triggered with alot of emotion and feelings towards a specific person or persons....that person mind can explode anytime!!


I'm sure I will be very surprised...but I hope if any minds explode it's the result of a punch and not some Scanners-style psychic shenanigans.


And I'm deeply interested to see the results of this "special hunger" Rahman has for VK....I wonder if it's related to Vitali K's own "special hunger" for his brother?

More Pinoy

his reply to my reply to this excellent post (do I get some kind of postmodern award for linking my own blog? the Baudrillard Badge? the Foucault Pendulum?):

Im not trying to offend you Im just using common sense!! Take rahman himself remember when he called out lennox lewis..he had that hunger within himself. What happened he KO lewis. These are just examples what hunger within a fighter can accomplish. Its a very powerful expression of thinking.

If vitali had the same hunger towards rahman Im sure he can beat rahman with ease. Im not taking anything away from vitali its just his been inactive for awhile now...will he have the same hunger when he fought sanders? Hunger is a powerful way of expression........!! It has been proven!!


I'm gonna see if I can string him along and get some more gems.
Check back later.

Cellphone Justice

On the other end of the scientific spectrum, we have this young woman who nailed a subway wanker with her cellphone camera.

I'm sure it's only a matter of time until the Theocrats go after her for being a pornographer.

When There is No More Room in Church, the Stupid Will Walk the Earth

Good Lord.

Dinny the roadside dinosaur has found religion.
Dinny's new owners, pointing to the Book of Genesis, contend that most dinosaurs arrived on Earth the same day as Adam and Eve, some 6,000 years ago, and later marched two by two onto Noah's Ark. The gift shop at the attraction, called the Cabazon Dinosaurs, sells toy dinosaurs whose labels warn, "Don't swallow it! The fossil record does not support evolution."

The Cabazon Dinosaurs join at least half a dozen other roadside attractions nationwide that use the giant reptiles' popularity in seeking to win converts to creationism. And more are on the way.

"We're putting evolutionists on notice: We're taking the dinosaurs back," said Ken Ham, president of Answers in Genesis, a Christian group building a $25-million creationist museum in Petersburg, Ky., that's already overrun with model sauropods and velociraptors.



You'll find some responsible opposing viewpoints at the bottom of the article, but by that time my will to live had been drained to the point that control-C was beyond my capabilities.

This is the wormhole of shit-stupidity our nation is spiralling slowly down.
Every time the USA makes a decision based on theology instead of science (stem cells, cloning, teaching 'intelligent design' in school), China laughs its ass off.

Forum Hijinks

One thing I really like about internet forums is the often unintentional hilarity to be gleaned from ESL people honing their written language skills.

Here's a reply I got today on my boxing forum from a Phillipino gentleman named 'PureBloodedPinoy', unedited save for bolding the parts with the most concentrated funny.
It's probably a bit better if you know all the boxers in question, but I think it works perfectly well divorced from context.

Sir you dont know rahman to well.....rahman will explode with hunger when he finds its the right opportunity for him to shine! Did you see the way he called out vitali.....thats called hunger and having a positive well being. Its up to the indivdual fighter just like Zab judah has hunger against Mayweather and tarver calling out Roy Jones jr....with hunger.....these are examples in how each indivudual fighter feels within themselves how much hunger they have to win against that certain opponent.

Maybe I should call you out and see if I can kick the shit out of you with my hunger lolz

Think about it son......guys who talk like you are usually one sided. vitali hasnt fought for awhile you dont know jackass in how he will perform!!


Who needs Nigerian scammers when you can get personalized service like this?

Horrible lyrics....gah.

Sometimes, when I'm not paying attention, the jazz show I listen to in the mornings ends and the 'acoustic folk' show starts before I get my defensive CD shield into place.

Today's crime against humanity:

she was Spanish mixed breed,
I was southwest Texas hayseed,
we were all....most....there



Pain so exquisite it would be criminal not to share.

Cooking: Pizza

Good topping combos from last night:

pesto, chicken and olives

carmelized onions, gorgonzola & olives

Yum.
Those will get another look in the future.

The wife makes the world's most badass dough, which is the heart of the enterprise.


Today's culinary tip:
Carmelized Onions

I've tried a couple of different methods, this one turned out the highest quality with the least amount of work.

cut up 4 large onions so they make nice long pieces (chop off the root end, halve lengthwise, then chop into 1/2" sections)

heat 1tb butter and 1tb oil over high in a large nonstick skillet.

after the butter is done bubbling, mix in 1/2 ts salt and 1 ts light brown sugar.
Add the onions and stir to coat, continuing to cook on high until they just begin to soften and release their liquid, about 5 minutes.

reduce heat to medium and continue cooking, stirring occasionally, until the onions are soft, slightly stick and a uniform brown, about 40 minutes. Tweak heat up or down if they're cooking too slow or getting seared.

Take off heat and mix in 1tb water, stir.

Serve immediately, or refrigerate for up to 7 days in an airtight container.

Delicious on pizzas, burgers, sandwiches, eggs, whatever.
I think I'll make up another batch tonight just to have around as a condiment...

A Site Dread Will Probably Hate More Than 'Cats in Sinks'

and I'm going to make him click here to see what it is.

No refunds!

Politics: Dowd on W.

Seemingly refreshed and reinvigorated after her recent book leave, Maureen has been digging into Bush's ass with a king sized shovel in her last few columns.

The tone deafness of a president taking the longest vacation on record in the middle of a war against an escalating insurgency (although I wonder at the use of the word when it's mostly Iraqis fighting us in Iraq...what's 'insurgent' about that?) puts me in mind of Nero fiddling while Rome burned.

Anti-war protestors camped in the Texas summer sun rallying around the grieving mother of a fallen soldier, while the "Commander in Chief" rides his bike with Lance Armstrong and holds air conditioned court for fawning reporters....a real "man of the people", that W.

(Note to midwestern "values voters": He didn't get a string of Gentleman's C's at Yale to protest the dominance of the blue blood elite, he got them because he was too busy snorting coke and partying down to study.)

Given his tanking approval ratings*, it doesn't surprise me he prefers posing in his truck for photo ops in La-La Land over surveying the grim reality his policies have created.

But just as record execs are finally paying their own piper for decades of artist abuse and price gouging, so will Bush eventually reap what he's sown.

If not in his lifetime, when future historians document his reign as the most incompetent, mendacious and immoral US administration within 50 years either way on the timeline. Nixon's Watergate posse looks like a bunch of panty-sniffing B&E pikers compared to this group...which is odd, since there are so many familiar faces from his administration making hay with this one.




* r/e Dear Leader's 56% job disapproval rating:
at what point does the "liberal press" stop sucking him off and start calling him an "unpopular, embattled" president?

Nostradamus was a hack....Orwell is the real prophet.

The Music Biz

Gilliard covers iTunes vs. Paleolithic Record Companies.

I don't get why record companies would go after iTunes.
I mean I understand the impulse....they want everything to stay the way it was in the 80's, when digital technology was their friend and everyone was re-buying music they already owned at twice the price of a vinyl LP.

Halcyon days, to be sure.
Pools filled with champagne, gold dust snorted off the asses of former prom queens, slave wages for the majority of artists and massive profits for the corporate overlords.
What executive wouldn't want that to go on forever?

Well, head's up bean counters.
The Golden Age of corporate plutocracy is over, the time of the 15 year old who won't blow $19 on a shitty album when they can download the only decent track for free is upon you.

99 cents a track is the ceiling of what people are willing to pay for musical crippleware when they can get the same music with no strings attached for free.
Or, for those desirous of a legal fig leaf, from Russian purveyor allofmp3 for five cents a track .

I'm not sure how the music biz is going to shake out in the long run, but I do know the days of music executives supping on lark's tongue salad and swilling Aqua Vitae while music consumers labor in the vinyards under the melting sun is as dead as Jacob Marley.

They need to find common ground between their own Olympian pricing dreams and the reality of a generation of music consumers who view downloading as an inalienable right.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Quotes from the Half-Asleep Wife

scene:
i'm banging around in the kitchen, getting brunch ready and listening to some tunes.

Rummaging around for a pan, I awaken The Wife.

the wife: What is that crazy music?
me: Belle & Sebastian
the wife: it sounds like the devil.
me: the devil?
the wife: ZZZzzzZZZzzzzzzzzzz.....

Attn Bobo

does this look familiar?


Bill Mulder is a plagarist!

A Nerd and his Hamster

If he ever gets a girlfriend, I'll be this would work for her vibrator as well..

Kafka's Diaries

More truth in advertising.

to sum up:

Sunday, 19 July
slept, woke, slept, woke, miserable life

Cats in Sinks

You might think it's not what it says.
But then you'd be wrong.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Ticket Assassin: friend of the Californian driver

In our modern 'tax free' era, one popular program to raise state revenue has been handing out tickets like candy.

An example from my home town: the meter maids are rapacious vultures who will catch the scent of a decaying meter from thousands of yards away...and it's illegal to feed a meter that isn't your own (I believe they have a similar ordinance in Santa Cruz).

Traffic tickets are another way for the state to raise money without seeming to; IMHO the enthusiasm for traffic light cameras has more to do with creating a new revenue stream than safeguarding public well-being.

Well, these dudes are doing something about it.

For $25 you get a shareware program that directs you step-by-step in fighting your ticket sans court appearance, complete with all the forms you'll need to stick it to The Man. The guy at Boing Boing had a happy experience nullfiying a questionable ticket, lending a note of authenticity to their own page of customer testimonials.

For all of its flaws, dangers and potential pitfalls for the unwary, the internet really has followed through on its early promise to put power in the hands of motivated individuals.

It's a medium through which similarly inclined folks can effortlessly mesh their needs, heedless of potential barriers raised by location, culture, race, gender or any of the myriad other hurdles the 'real world' can be expected to throw up as reliably as a seasoned teenage bulemic.

Hats off to the Ticket Assassin crew.
I'm halfway hoping I get a bogus ticket just so I can throw a few bucks their way...

Mexico City from the Air

Photographia para Binsk.

National Scrabble Championship

Here's the final board.

Endostea?
Keets?


Freaks!

Gay Merit Badges

Fancy!

I think the one is my favorite...

it's the Drama Queen...

Politics: Take Cover

Nobody in all of the whole wide internet (and that's a lot of people with a lot of snark and bile stored in their basements!) stakes a Winger gasbag out over and anthill and takes a literary shit in their craw hole like James Wolcott does.

Nobody!

I've got a bumper sticker on my car that says "My President is Lee Marvin".
Wolcott has me thinking about regime change for my next vehicle.

OiNY redux

courtesy the fine people at Overheard in New York:

Old man: Enjoy your looks while you still have them.
Girl: Oh, we've got a long time before we have to start worrying.
Old man: No, you don't. Just remember: men age, women rot.

--12th & B


Hobo: Do you have any change for the homeless?
Hipster guy: I do not.
Hobo: You better check your pockets!

--Stanton & Ludlow


Cooking: Pesto

I was making dinner for the bro n' sis in-law and the niece tonight when disaster struck- I forgot the pine nuts for the pesto, and they didn't have any. No walnuts either (barbarians!)

So I made do with what was on hand- pumpkin seeds.

Toasted some up, threw them in the mix....and the pesto turned out fine.

I like the deep, woody taste you get with pine nuts and will stick with them as my first option...but if you can get away with pumpkin seeds, the sky's the limit.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Hype Machine: endless source of entertainment

checking the latest additions page, I find several excellent song titles from a dimly remembered group called 'Angry Samoans':

Stupid Jerk
Time to Fuck
Get Off the Air
& my personal favorite
Posh Boy's Cock


A niggling little voice assures me I'd hate it, but I do love being able to read the titles.

There's another group I checked out a while back which I ended up not liking, but who had some of the finest album and song titles I've ever come across.
The group was The Liars, and they tend toward the sort of experimental noise-rock that wasn't my cup of tea even when I was young, resilient and wide open to outre sonic adventure.

Two fabulous album titles:

They Were Wrong, So We Drowned
They Threw Us All in a Trench and Stuck A Monument on Top

And some equally fabulous song titles:

If Your a Wizard Then Why Do You Wear Glasses
They Don't Want Your Corn, They Want Your Kids
We Fenced Other Houses With the Bones of Our Own
Hold Hands and It Will Happen Anyway
Grown Men Don't Fall in the River, Just Like That
Mr. Your on Fire Mr.
Nothing Is Ever Lost or Can Be Lost My Science Friend
Loose Nuts on the Velandrome
Tumbling Walls Buried Me in the Debris


Come on now...'Mr. Your on Fire Mr.'?
I wanted to like them so badly.
=(

ok ok ok....I give up.
I know I won't be able to sleep tonight without at least sneaking a peek at 'Posh Boy's Cock'.

Back in a second.

Ok, so it was 59 seconds...yes, I rode the full length of Posh Boy's Cock..and a wild ride it was (if a bit stubby).

As expected, it was a punk opus about a cock belonging to a Posh Boy, sounded like early Dead Kennedys only the lyrics weren't about Ronald Reagan and our patriotic atrocities in Cambodia, they were about a cock.

Here's the first stanza, judge for yourself:

Posh Boy's Cock!
Posh Boy's Cock!
Fuckin' Shit!
If you wanna make a record, if you wanna rock
Just grab a hold of Posh Boy's Cock!


No mention of our 40th President, but plenty of cock...and even a little shit (naughty Samoans!)

Not sure how valid their advice is in this day and age, but they certainly lived up to the promise of their song title.

8 out of 10 for Posh Boy's Cock.

Cooking: French Toast secret

A pretty common sense tip, but one I hadn't explored until recently.

The batter is pretty standard across all recipes I've read- make sure you use real vanilla and you can't go too far wrong.

The key to great French Toast is the bread.

Get yourself a nice big handmade crusty baguette, or long crusty loaf.
Let it sit out until it's nice and stale.
Saw it into thick slices and use thosefor your French Toast.

The difference this makes cannot be overstated.

You're supposed to use the bread left over from the night before, but that's never been realistic for me....give me a crusty loaf and some cheese or butter and it's good night, sweet prince. I have to buy a loaf special and have the little lady hide it from me. =/

Botanical Prints

The Missouri Botanical Gardens have scanned a selection of their rare books on botany and put them online.

I'm a sucker for this kind of stuff.

Their display of lovely botanical plates has moved me to make a scan of a somewhat less rare but still highly useful book from the store collection.

Politics: Welcome to George Bush's America

SWAT team breaks up purportedly legal rave.

Now, I'm sure a lot of kids were getting f'ed up on various illegal things and doing stuff that their parents wouldn't approve of....but c'mon now, do you really need to send in a heavily armed SWAT team in full regalia to deal with the problem?

With dogs?

I have a personal belief that Utah is the platonic ideal of the type of far-right fundie nut-jobs that make up Bush's "base"....it's all homogenous white people who follow one state religion and either try to convert or totally spurn anyone outside their belief system.

And I have a further personal belief that this kind of wild, paramilitary overreaction is exactly what that base would like to see unleashed on anyone who doesn't share their particular brand of ideological mania.

And given that this event happened in Utah, where is this kind of massive official reaction to their homegrown flavor of sexual abuse and exploitation?

I'm about to make Utah an honorary member of the South in my internal geographic ranking of the United States....

Buddy Holly

Ever wonder what was in his overnight bag that fateful night in 1959?

Wonder no more, pilgrim!

DIY Endoscope

Lacking the $30,000 retail price for a handy piece of medical equipment, an enterprising Vietnamese doctor cooked up his own version.

The scope captures images from the body of a patient, which are then passed through a webcam to an analysis machine.

Dr Huy spent two years building the system
"The adaptor costs almost nothing because it is simply a system of lens linked to a webcam costing just about $30.

"In total I had to buy only the scope, which is about $800," Dr Huy told the BBC World Service programme Go Digital.


Necessity is the mother of undercutting ridiculously overpriced bullshit...or something like that.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Books: Wretched Title of the Week

Paychecks of the Heart
113 Inspiring Stories About Living the Principles of Mary Kay Ash

from the back cover blurb:

Mary Kay Ash, the beloved founder and chairman emeritus of Mary Kay Inc., is as well known for motivating and inspiring women as she is for the cosmetics her company produces.


Wouldn't you think she'd carry enough weight to be called chairWOMAN emeritus, especially in a company puff piece?

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Brit Snark Alert! (attn ANNER)

I've discovered another repository of ineffable UK snark, Go Fug Yourself, dedicated to the propostion that Fugly is the new Pretty, and that no celebrity sartorial miscue should go un-commented upon.

It's like a giant, neverending E! Oscar red carpet show, only with funny Brit commentators instead of shambolic cannibal zombies!

A few teasers from their most recent articles:


Are those even clothes you're wearing, or is it just a mildewed, rat-gnawed tarp you yanked out of a dumpster? Have you been rooting around through Jude's garbage, scrambling for further evidence of just how popular his wang has been?

(commenting on a bad fashion choice by Jude Law's cuckolded ladyfriend Sienna)


Good Fug Hunting.

Oh, Minnie Driver. I know you're trying to reinvent yourself as a singer, but honestly.

This hippy-dippy, tie-dyed, rainbow-loving, granola-eating, unicorn-riding, flitting through the arugula garden look is just not working for you.


As a man who can appreciate snark (in a completely manly, heterosexual way, of course) and who has an insatiable sweet tooth for UK slang and phrasing, this blog is HOG...heaven, that is.

Today's Hype Machine Find

Two musical visions collide, violently, as one of my buddy James' favorite bands (barn-rockers My Morning Jacket) covers one of mine, tackling Prince's 'I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man' in a surprisingly straightforward manner.

Lesson learned from this exercise:
a great song is a great song, whether it's being performed by a tiny insane black dude or a group of shaggy honkies from Nebraska.

And one more bitchin' feature I only just discovered- any page on Hype Machine can be loaded into Winamp as a playlist.

Heaven.

Music news

So I cruised by the aforementioned Hype Machine, and there was a tune by Portland indie darlings Norfolk & Western on queue.

Odd because all those cats lived here in town years ago, and I became reaquainted with them at the wedding of my friends James & Courtney in June.

It's funny to hear dudes you remember as waiters and baristas referred to in these terms: "Norfolk & Western might be the biggest name in this post, and this song certainly makes it seem well-deserved".

What's even stranger?

Another townie scenester from those halcyon days is a bona fide indie success story.

Matt Ward chopped off most of his first name and went from record store clerk to brushing shoulders with the Indie Demigods and recording for underground powerhouse Matador Records (home of Yo La Tengo, Belle & Sebastian, Cat Power, etc etc)

God bless anyone who can make a buck doing art they love!

Cover of the Week

Is the Internet the new Radio?

Slashdot ponders.

Given my personal experience, the answer is a Team America: World Police style


If you hear anything worthwhile on commercial radio it's an accident.
The net gives the curious and inquisitive (like myself) a door into an entire world of music that is completely ignored by the corporate media outlets.

I've gotten a more concentrated blast of really top flight music over the past few months of interenet exploration than at any time in my life.

Politics: Unicorns and Moonbeams

The current national idiocy of far right fundies trying to get "intelligent design" taught in science class alongside actual science gets a look in today's NYT.

My feelings on the subject are summarized quite well by this cartoon:

Saturday, August 20, 2005

The Summer Orgy of Updates Continues

Further web-crawling (I'm like the deskbound internet nerd version of Spider Man) has revealed that the Yeahs will be playing a show in San Francisco around the time we'll be there celebrating my lovely wife's birthday.

Hmmmmmmm.

Do you think it would distress them to have a dowdy married couple crash their hip show in The City?

I absolutely fucking L U V the internet

so I was at work earlier, posting the thing below about the fab new band Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, and since Amazon didn't have their usual "listen to a crappy low-fi 'Real' Audio song sample I went looking for someone who did.

Google led me to The Hype Machine, which looked neato. But as I had no speakers at work I just posted the 'Clap' link and called it good.

Well, I got home and checked the link to see if it worked and discovered the Hype Machine is a far greater enterprise than revealed by my cursory googling.

It's a search engine and aggregator of links for mp3 blogs.

Look what happens when I search for another of my favorites, Elliott Smith.

!!!

(Check out the July 5th Needle in the Hay, it's a great version, very clean (soundboard?)and the only time I've heard it performed by a full band.)

and here I discover one of my recent favorites (TV on the Radio) covering another one (the aformentioned Clap Your Hands Say Yeah) on the song Modern Romance (and take a listen to their a capella version of the Pixie's Mr. Grieves while you're there, it's badass).

MADNESS!


Anyway, play around with it, that's what I've been doing.
Some of the stuff you can download, some you can't, but you can listen to it all.
Very nice way to sample tracks without committing $20 for a CD or an hour to d/l an album.

Learn something new every day...

How did they publish this issue with their heads so far up their asses?

Premiere magazine has squeezed out one of those inevitable lists of something arbitrary guaranteed to ignite controversy...in this case, a half-baked list of the top 20 "overrated" films in movie history.

1. 2001: A Space Odyssey
2. A Beautiful Mind
3. An American in Paris
4. American Beauty
5. Chariots of Fire
6. Chicago
7. Clerks
8. Easy Rider
9. Fantasia
10. Field of Dreams
11. Forrest Gump
12. Gone With the Wind
13. Good Will Hunting
14. Jules and Jim
15. Monster's Ball
16. Moonstruck
17. Mystic River
18. Nashville
19. The Red Shoes
20. The Wizard of Oz


Ok, on reflection calling it 'half baked' is unreasonably generous...it hasn't even been prepped yet, it's a pile of raw ingridients on the sideboard. Nobody bothered to peel the onions or throw out the rotten bits of lettuce, and I think the oil is rancid.

To take only the most bizarre, egrigious example to task, I'll just say I don't think it's possible to overrate Easy Rider, whatever you think of it as a movie.

A film that single-handedly upset the apple cart of the decades-old Studio System?
That ushered in the artistic renaissance of the 1970's?
That CREATED 'independent' cinema?

OVERRATED?

I don't think they should let the interns near the printers anymore.

Music: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

These cats earned the highest form of critical praise during my recent vacation.
I'm not talking about a glowing review from a scenester music site, oh no.

Something much rarer, unencumbered by decades of accumulated jaded hipness...the enthusiastic endorsement of my two year old niece.

I'd put one of their songs (The Skin of my Yellow Country Teeth)on a mix CD I played while cooking, causing her to rock out and make vocal demands for more.

I think they're a "love 'em or hate 'em" proposition given the, uh, rather unique vocal stylings of their lead singer (he puts me in mind of early Violent Femmes), but I dig em, as does the wife and now the niece.

I don't have speakers at work, but it looks like you can sample the tracks here. There are a couple of early tunes that sound like Tom Waits banging on trashcans in a graveyard, but the bulk of them are sprightly, rocking numbers that instill a nearly immediate sense of wellbeing and wholeness.

Give Yellow Country Teeth a spin and see what you think.

/edit
Ok, got home and LO! the link provided above does indeed provide audio justice, and of much higher quality than the usual crappy 'Real' Audio stream.
I'm rocking to 'Teeth' as we speak...cranking the volume to drown out the "woooo! WOOOOOOO!" college party going on next door.

Get off your asses and listen, you heathen swine!
You have nothing to lose but your middle-aged squareness.

Book Vending Machines

in Paris, of all places.

Interesting.
It looks like they're stocked by the French version of Dover Books, purveyor of fine fiction and non-fiction that has fallen into the public domain.
On the one hand, a neat idea, on the other hand another bite out of the shrinking marketplace for retail new and used bookstores.

But I've always had the belief that availability is good and reading begets more reading, so I can't oppose it on philosophical grounds.

Next time I'm in Paris I'll probably patronize a book kiosk just to watch the mechanical arm do its thing...

DIY Mechanical Paper Bat

I lurve teh internet.

More signs of the times



Amazon has a sex shop.

At some point, the disconnect between midwestern fundies and everyone else is going to reach a breaking point.
Ideologically-based fundamentalism and bottom line-based capitalism cannot co-exist peacefully.

Capitalism is the real 'faith' of America.
As much as I despise certain inherent unfairnesses in the system, over time it will ensure equal treatment for women (customers), ethnic minorities (customers) and gays (customers).

Cash is gender, race and sexual orientation insensitive

The almighty dollar doesn't care who spends it, and the nearer America edges to a corporateocracy the less relevant racist, sexist and homophobic belief systems and individuals will be.

Of course, corporate rulership has its own set of problems, but we can wrassle with that anaconda when the times comes...hopefully it won't be big enough to strangle and eat us by then.

Politics: Steve Gilliard on Cindy Sheehan

This post illuminates what I see as the despicable hypocricy of the right in slandering a grieving mother.

Sign of the Times

I was picking up some oral care items at the Dollar Store yesterday (same toothbrushes and toothpaste as anywhere else...for a dollar).
I ducked down an unfamiliar asile to escape an onrushing white trash family with neck tattoos and a cart full of off-brand junk food and pulled up face to face with a huge pyramid of computer mice.

Computer mice for a dollar.

Some stuff just makes you feel old.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

How To: NES controller into TV remote

The technical know-how and creativity of folk on the internet always amazes me.

Check it.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Jude Law's Wiener

NSFW!

Don't say I didn't warn you.

the dude can't catch a break.
first they crucify him for banging his nanny, now his uncut manhood is all over the internet because some dude staked out his mom's house.

If he wasn't rich and hot, I'd feel a little sorry for him.

But as things stand, I'll post his nekkid pictures on my blog for cheap laffs.

=/

DIDDY!

Just for Anner.

We can't be far from some sort of Caligulistic apocalypse when this kind of thing is news.

As for what brought about the latest change in moniker, the entertainer admitted that his previous name change left his fans uncertain of how to address him.

"I felt like the 'P' was getting between me and my fans and now we're closer," Diddy said.

"During concerts, half the crowd is saying 'P. Diddy'--half the crowd is chanting 'Diddy'--now everybody can just chant 'Diddy.' "

Culinary Lessons Learned on Vacation

1: Making great Mexican food isn't complicated, just vastly labor intensive.
2: Plain yogurt makes the best biscuts.
3: When poaching large numbers of eggs, the non-stick skillet is your friend and ally.
4: Shredding pork by hand is harder than using a pair of forks, but the improved texture is worth the effort.

Our last morning at the cabin I made the best scrambled eggs of my life.

(that's them along the top edge of the platter- click the thumbnail for a bigger pic)

Bax's Baroque Blue Cheese Scramble
(serves 4-6 adults comfortably)

Ingridients
10 eggs
2 apricot pecan sausages (removed from casing & crumbled)
2 red peppers(roasted & skinned)
1/4 cup crumbled blue cheese
4 tb. heavy cream
3 tb. butter
salt & pepper to taste
-----------------------
preperation
Roast the Peppers
Apply flame until skin is uniformly charred black (you can do this on a grill, in the broiler, or on the stovetop with a pair of tongs and an appropriate level of diligence).
Place charred peppers in a plastic bag for 10 or so minutes, remove.
Cut a circle around the stem, then cut down the length of the pepper- this will enable you to remove the main core of seeds with minimal fuss. Lay the pepper out flat and scrape away any remaining seeds and veins. Turn it over- the skin should come away easily with a small, sharp knife.
Chop roughly and let rest in a small bowl.
Brown the Sausage
You want it about 3/4ths done, roughly 10 minutes over medium heat.
Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towels.

(For the next step, I used a large electric griddle at 300 degrees- on the stovetop you'll need two large skillets over medium-low heat, or just halve the recipe.)

Heat the cooking surface, add butter.
Once the butter has melted, add the chopped peppers and the browned sausage and let sautee as you prepare the eggs.

Preparing the Eggs
Crumble the blue cheese.
Break the eggs into a large bowl, add the cream, salt & pepper.
Beat lightly with a fork until just blended, add the blue cheese.

The Finale
When the sausage has fully cooked and the peppers are beginning to brown, add the eggs all at once. Let them cook for a few minutes undisturbed, then push them into the middle of the pan with the corner of a spatula or wooden spoon- uncooked egg will run off the top into the grooves. Let this get set a bit, then repeat the process. Break up any curds that get too big for their britches with your implement of choice.

At some point you'll run out of raw egg to fill the crevices.
Shove everything into a homogenous pile in the middle of the skillet, then flip it over (unless you have the world's biggest spatula, you'll have to do this in stages).

Cook for a few more minutes (until the bottom is set but not brown) and serve, ideally to rapturous applause from a hungry audience.

Ministry of Reshelving

As a bookstore professional, I cannot condone the sort of customer-driven reorganization endorsed by this organization.

But as a citizen of America in the year 2005, I can easily manage a wry, knowing chuckle for this particular effort:

Natrual Gas Thief

Ride like the wind, young Xi Yuan!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Politics: They should just create a cabinet level post for 'Minister of Propaganda'

Proving again there's no tragedy too profound to be mined for shallow political gain, the Bush administration is proud to announce their 9/11 Parade and Country Music Jamboree, the 'America Supports You Freedom Walk'.

Sickened only begins to describe my response to this depraved plot to further trivialize and demean the memories of those who died in the towers by the cowards in power.

What next, the America Supports You Freedom Mechanical Bull Ride?

Bush can't make time for the mother of a dead serviceman during his five week vacation, but he can for this ridiculous bund rally?

Pathetic and nauseating.

Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Customers: Money

A British couple came in the other day and had the usual struggle with unfamiliar currency. The gentleman didn't mind our coinage, but the paper bills annoyed him no end.

"They're all the same, aren't they? Same size, same color....it's very confusing. And such small denominations...our smallest bill is a ten pound note. And the bills are different sizes, with braille on them so the blind can tell them apart. Our coins all have different edges too, for the same reason."

I should have asked him what he thought of the the EU currency...

Customers: Spare Change

There's this one lady who buys stuff off the sale cart every few days.
She's a borderline case, not batshit crazy, and she's got some job that requires here to wear a blue apron and isn't that fussy about her personal hygiene. But I get the feeling she could slide over the edge real easy.

So she buys a couple of books today, and it comes out to $2.15

She fishes around for change.

Finds a wadded-up dollar in one pocket.

Fishes some more.

Finds another wadded up dollar, in a different pocket.

Fishes some more.

Comes up with a nickel from yet another pocket.

Fishes some more, same pocket this time.

Comes up with two more nickels......and a cigarette butt.

Victory!

Because I Love Bobo

AAaaaaaaaUuuuughuh!!


*lights cigarette and sighs contentedly*

Because I Hate Bobo

HAI KEEEBA!

Sunday, August 7, 2005

Whoops!

CHARLOTTE -- A city council candidate dropped out of the race Friday after it was disclosed that he posted comments to a white supremacist Internet bulletin board more than 4,000 times.


Bahaaah!

As far as excuses go "I was reserching my racist novel!" has the advantage of novelty, at least.

Power of the Press

Given the proper frame of mind and a platform to shout from, you can transform a violent, parasitic, mentally ill homeless paranoiac into a kind of wandering philosopher king.

The subject of this particular bit of hagiography was a local "personality" who I've had the pleasure of kicking out of my store after he flipped off my wife on the street.

In fact, my brother-in-law kicked him out of HIS place of employment after Gibson let it be known to mutual acquaintances he was going to "kick his ass" (that bold talk went out the window when he was confronted, and he fled down the street like a whipped cur).

And then there was the time another friend not only kicked him out of his store, but was forced confronted him in the street outside with a baseball bat because Gibson threatened to "kill him" over the phone.
That particular scene ended with Gibson on his knees in the street, crying and begging for forgiveness...coward to the end.

Going further back, he repaid the kindness of the slight, effeminate male hairdresser who let him live in his apartment for a while by beating him unconscious.

He stalked three women (that I know of).

He abandoned the dog Piglet, which gets such play in the article, several years ago. Piglet ended up living with another friend of mine.

My eulogy for Gibson wouldn't fill up the column inches quite so well, but it has the twin advantages of being both succinct and far more accurate than the New Times flavor:

Good Riddance, scumbag.

Sausage

Well, during my stint in the sausage industry (yikes, they have a web page now! In the interest of accuracy, the current owners are not the founders, they bought it from a meatcutter and his wife I worked with at Williams Brothers...and why are they still calling it San Luis Sausage? Their mailing address is in Orange and the area code is 714!)...wait, where the hell was I?

Oh yes.

Strawberry Milk Sausage!

The texture and flavor of the sausages are reportedly close to those of regular fish-meat sausages, with the exception that the aftertaste of strawberries remains.

"It's an unexpected combination, but a taste that children will like," a Nissui official said. "Strawberries go well with minced fish."


Genius!

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Origin and 1st Appearance: The Bax


forwarded from my pal Zim, scanned from an unknown comic.
More refutation of Baked Tatum's baseless slander of my undeniable charisma and fasion sense (note the stylish purple shirt my comic avatar is sporting!)

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Tales of the Niece

a verbatim conversation between my wife and niece, who calls me 'Teeb'.
(this becomes important later)

wife (to niece): you are so beautiful! do you know how beautiful you are?
niece (pauses, smiles): Yes.
wife: is there anyone as beautiful as you are?
niece: Yes.
wife (taken aback): who?
niece (loudly): TEEB!


Hah!
How about them apples Tatum!

My Dog is Tom Cruise

In an effort to assuage the wounded pride of Mr. Dread Shirt Hating Tatum, I offer up this link he sent me 100 years ago, which I shamefully ignored until recently.

Enjoy!

Apple Computers: partying like it's 1999......in 2005

So Apple finally stopped issuing buggy whips standard with every new car and updated its mouse.

Woah, a multi-button mouse with scroll wheel functionality?
The sky's the limit for those crazy dreamers in Cupertino!

Monday, August 1, 2005

Prettiness



Here's the pretty shirt Erin bought me today.
I wanted to see what it looked like run through the scanner.

Not bad!
You can clicky on the picture for a larger version, if you have the urge.

Time of the Apes

Revenge of the Research Monkeys


"At first we all thought it was cute," said Vasquez, 60. "Then it started tipping over all of my plants in the balcony and growling at me."

Politics: Recess Appointment

I figured I'd tag this one 'politics' so the more right-leaning of my e-pals can just skip over it and avoid taking their blood pressure for a ride.

So, Bush did what everyone thought he was going to and appointed the abusive, maniacal John Bolton to be our envoy to the United Nations.

The guy they were afraid to put up to a vote in the Republican-controlled Senate gets slipped in the back door when all the grownups are out of town on vacation...I'm sure the circumstances of his appointment will do wonders for his credibility within the walls of that august body.

Ah well, just another example of the Bush administration's habit of promoting failure and circumventing rules when it suits their needs.