12-ish year old girl, after buying an anime book:
That's a cute little receipt!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
true customer tales!
On a positive note, for a change.
There's a girl in the loft, looks like six or seven years old, dancing like crazy to Arcade Fire.
There's a girl in the loft, looks like six or seven years old, dancing like crazy to Arcade Fire.
true customer tales!
Crazy dude carrying an unrolled sleeping bag under one arm staggers up to the counter.
"Will you guys cash a GOVERNMENT CHECK if I buy some books?"
me:
Nope! Sorry.
"Will you guys cash a GOVERNMENT CHECK if I buy some books?"
me:
Nope! Sorry.
true customer tales!
*Loud, annoying cell phone ring that goes on for quite a while*
Guy browsing books, startled: Oh! That's ME!
Guy browsing books, startled: Oh! That's ME!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas Mosaic
Something for all my peeps.
the rockers
the swingers
the bears
the fans of stop motion animation
and the faux-80's butt rockers
(NSFW? Probably!)
the rockers
the swingers
the bears
the fans of stop motion animation
and the faux-80's butt rockers
(NSFW? Probably!)
Monday, December 21, 2009
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Saturday, December 19, 2009
hey neat
found this sweet pic our new turntable- well, not this exact one, but same model.
(click pic for full size image)
The excitement at Chez Baxblog is palpable!
(click pic for full size image)
The excitement at Chez Baxblog is palpable!
quick vent on health care "reform"
Giving away piles of taxpaper dollars to abusive, rapacious private companies by forcing everyone to buy coverage is a pile of shit.
I haven't seen any meaningful restraints on premiums or bad faith behavior by insurers, other than not allowing them to deny applicants based on preexisting conditions. Which of course doesn't prevent them from kicking folk to the curb later if it turns out they have some sort of expensive problem.
I'm thinking this whole thing is a big anchor being handed to the Dems. The pressure to pass ANYTHING because ANYTHING is better than 'losing' is obviously intense, but they would be well advised to sit back and dispassionately consider the electoral ramifications of forcing people to buy a shitty product offered by companies ruled by the profit motive.
Digby offers a more measured response. This quote resonates strongly:
If this monstrosity isn't vastly more public-friendly by the time they birth it, the Dem national ticket can kiss my ass when voting time comes around.
I haven't seen any meaningful restraints on premiums or bad faith behavior by insurers, other than not allowing them to deny applicants based on preexisting conditions. Which of course doesn't prevent them from kicking folk to the curb later if it turns out they have some sort of expensive problem.
I'm thinking this whole thing is a big anchor being handed to the Dems. The pressure to pass ANYTHING because ANYTHING is better than 'losing' is obviously intense, but they would be well advised to sit back and dispassionately consider the electoral ramifications of forcing people to buy a shitty product offered by companies ruled by the profit motive.
Digby offers a more measured response. This quote resonates strongly:
ROBERT KUTTNER: Think about it, the difference between social insurance and an individual mandate is this. Social insurance everybody pays for it through their taxes, so you don't think of Social Security as a compulsory individual mandate. You think of it as a benefit, as a protection that your government provides. But an individual mandate is an order to you to go out and buy some product from some private profit-making company, that in the case of a lot of moderate income people, you can't afford to buy. And the shell game here is that the affordable policies are either very high deductibles and co-pays, so you can afford the monthly premiums but then when you get sick, you have to pay a small fortune out of pocket before the coverage kicks in. Or if the coverage is decent, the premiums are unaffordable. And so here's the government doing the bidding of the private industry coercing people to buy profit-making products that maybe they can't afford and they call it health reform.
If this monstrosity isn't vastly more public-friendly by the time they birth it, the Dem national ticket can kiss my ass when voting time comes around.
Friday, December 18, 2009
oh yeah
Just fielded a call from the Audio Doctor, who complimented the turntable's suave manner and good looks and will be operating this weekend for a Monday pickup.
Nothing combats winter's chill like the Warmth of Vinyl(tm)!
Nothing combats winter's chill like the Warmth of Vinyl(tm)!
general update
Finally found the camera, the day after we started halfheartedly browsing around for a new one.
Brought home the new speakers and had a fabulous buying experience at Audio Ecstasy. It was the polar opposite of my nightmarish descent into the shark tank of the Apple store. where schools of ravenous youngsters in Apple motley circled and circled, preternaturally alert for the scent of customers in the water.
The two audio geeks manning the counter were more interested in talking shop than maneuvering me into an equipment upgrade. "Those are great speakers for the size", opined the tall one who had a more than passing physical & sartorial resemblance to the Gyro Captain from the Road Warrior. "Yeah," chimed in his friend, "the only ones that are better run $2,000." Instead of trying to push any of the expensive connection options in the glass case, they cut me off 20' of speaker wire from the back room for free.
It was far from the sort of hyper-efficient behavior smiled on by our consumer culture, which demands that the wallet of every customer unlucky enough to cross your threshold be flensed of every surplus shekel, but it is the sort of buying experience that appeals to misanthropic iconoclasts like myself.
We need a wall mount for the TV, a sale they just made by not forcing the issue. And I'll be picking up a few of those expensive connectors on my next visit. And when the time comes for speaker stands, I know where to go.
The turntable still isn't ready- apparently the Audio Doctor runs on analog time. As long as we've got it by Christmas, I won't kick. The longer he takes, the bigger the stack of new vinyl we'll have to feed it.
Brought home the new speakers and had a fabulous buying experience at Audio Ecstasy. It was the polar opposite of my nightmarish descent into the shark tank of the Apple store. where schools of ravenous youngsters in Apple motley circled and circled, preternaturally alert for the scent of customers in the water.
The two audio geeks manning the counter were more interested in talking shop than maneuvering me into an equipment upgrade. "Those are great speakers for the size", opined the tall one who had a more than passing physical & sartorial resemblance to the Gyro Captain from the Road Warrior. "Yeah," chimed in his friend, "the only ones that are better run $2,000." Instead of trying to push any of the expensive connection options in the glass case, they cut me off 20' of speaker wire from the back room for free.
It was far from the sort of hyper-efficient behavior smiled on by our consumer culture, which demands that the wallet of every customer unlucky enough to cross your threshold be flensed of every surplus shekel, but it is the sort of buying experience that appeals to misanthropic iconoclasts like myself.
We need a wall mount for the TV, a sale they just made by not forcing the issue. And I'll be picking up a few of those expensive connectors on my next visit. And when the time comes for speaker stands, I know where to go.
The turntable still isn't ready- apparently the Audio Doctor runs on analog time. As long as we've got it by Christmas, I won't kick. The longer he takes, the bigger the stack of new vinyl we'll have to feed it.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
it's beginning to look a lot like vinyl....
Took the turntable & new cartridge in to the Audio Doctor with instructions to make it like new. Thirty nine bucks down for a 'diagnostic fee', which he says should cover it, barring unforeseen disasters.
And what's there to do after you get the turntable lined up but hit Boo Boos for some vinyl?
Picked up Peter Gabriel's third & Innervisions used, Spoon, Elliott Smith & Brightblack Morning Light new. Miko recommended The New Possiblity by John Fahey for seasonal flava, and I never turn down a music rec from The Grandmaster.
I've also got our new speakers picked out. A logarithmic improvement over the decade old junkers we've been using at a price that won't break the budget, even with stands!
Exciting, exciting...
And what's there to do after you get the turntable lined up but hit Boo Boos for some vinyl?
Picked up Peter Gabriel's third & Innervisions used, Spoon, Elliott Smith & Brightblack Morning Light new. Miko recommended The New Possiblity by John Fahey for seasonal flava, and I never turn down a music rec from The Grandmaster.
I've also got our new speakers picked out. A logarithmic improvement over the decade old junkers we've been using at a price that won't break the budget, even with stands!
Exciting, exciting...
shifting realities
It's sorta sad how exciting it was to drink a couple of glasses of wine with dinner last night and stay up until midnight(!) after the wife offered to wrangle Fuss in the morning.
I got to sleep in until NINE!
Right as Meggsie was heading downstairs and we were going in to bed Fuss wandered down the hall, blinking and grinning beneath his mussed golden halo. Getting him back to sleep is always a challenge, but his overwhelming adorableness in those late night moments justifies the effort.
We finally got the stupid loan, after more than a year of ceaseless & constantly mutating battle with the powers that be. And by "we" I mean "the wife", who pursued it with bulldog tenacity and boundless optimism.
Our first official act was a family outing to the outlets resulting in a trunk full of winter duds for the Fuss. We haven't spent anything on clothes so far thanks to generous donations, but we're reaching the bottom of the pile and he needed more long sleeved shirts, sweaters & warm pants.
Carters is easy to resist, Oshkosh is dangerous but manageable if you keep your guard up and maintain focus, but Gymboree is the devil in strip mall guise.
I got to sleep in until NINE!
Right as Meggsie was heading downstairs and we were going in to bed Fuss wandered down the hall, blinking and grinning beneath his mussed golden halo. Getting him back to sleep is always a challenge, but his overwhelming adorableness in those late night moments justifies the effort.
We finally got the stupid loan, after more than a year of ceaseless & constantly mutating battle with the powers that be. And by "we" I mean "the wife", who pursued it with bulldog tenacity and boundless optimism.
Our first official act was a family outing to the outlets resulting in a trunk full of winter duds for the Fuss. We haven't spent anything on clothes so far thanks to generous donations, but we're reaching the bottom of the pile and he needed more long sleeved shirts, sweaters & warm pants.
Carters is easy to resist, Oshkosh is dangerous but manageable if you keep your guard up and maintain focus, but Gymboree is the devil in strip mall guise.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
true customer tales
gal, waving a biography of Sammy Davis Jr in my face: This would be good for a little kid, right?
me, in full retail salesperson mode: YOU BET!
Chalk up 4 bucks for the good guys!
me, in full retail salesperson mode: YOU BET!
Chalk up 4 bucks for the good guys!
Foodweek
The abscess may have thrown off my Tday plans, but I have managed to make some culinary hay over the last week or so.
The big winner was the Potato Leek Soup from Bittman's How to Cook Everything. Dirt simple and really delicious. I threw in half a cup of cream at the end and worked it over a little with the immersion blender, the result was about halfway between rustic & pureed. Next time I'm doing a double batch, the cup or so that was leftover tasted epic after resting in the fridge for a few days.
The other winner, which occasioned my first documented moment of culinary satori, was a simple chicken with roasted vegetables from Cook's Illustrated. I made a batch as directed (dice the veg, roast 15 minutes, top with chicken brushed with melted butter, roast another 30 or so minutes) and it was tasty enough, but I was a bit underwhelmed by the vegetables.
We've been watching the first couple of seasons of The F Word (thank you Netflix!) and a tiny Gordon Ramsey appeared on my shoulder, urging me to "brown the fucking things in a skillet before roasting, yes? Stop cooking like a twat!"
The next night I made a modified half batch, sauteing the mushrooms & potatoes until nicely browned before laying on the chicken and roasting them as directed.
MUCH better.
Slightly more work (one extra pan to clean, a bit more attention required), but a tremendous boost in flavor.
And last night we had a round of Cowgirl Creamery's Pierce Pt seasonal with a crusty loaf- heavenly. I'm still debating which of their 'gift' packs to pick up for our Christmas feast...
The big winner was the Potato Leek Soup from Bittman's How to Cook Everything. Dirt simple and really delicious. I threw in half a cup of cream at the end and worked it over a little with the immersion blender, the result was about halfway between rustic & pureed. Next time I'm doing a double batch, the cup or so that was leftover tasted epic after resting in the fridge for a few days.
The other winner, which occasioned my first documented moment of culinary satori, was a simple chicken with roasted vegetables from Cook's Illustrated. I made a batch as directed (dice the veg, roast 15 minutes, top with chicken brushed with melted butter, roast another 30 or so minutes) and it was tasty enough, but I was a bit underwhelmed by the vegetables.
We've been watching the first couple of seasons of The F Word (thank you Netflix!) and a tiny Gordon Ramsey appeared on my shoulder, urging me to "brown the fucking things in a skillet before roasting, yes? Stop cooking like a twat!"
The next night I made a modified half batch, sauteing the mushrooms & potatoes until nicely browned before laying on the chicken and roasting them as directed.
MUCH better.
Slightly more work (one extra pan to clean, a bit more attention required), but a tremendous boost in flavor.
And last night we had a round of Cowgirl Creamery's Pierce Pt seasonal with a crusty loaf- heavenly. I'm still debating which of their 'gift' packs to pick up for our Christmas feast...
Sunday, December 6, 2009
true customer tales
gal, describing an art book to her friend:
Originally I thought this was totally lame...but then, I was all this is completely awesome!
Originally I thought this was totally lame...but then, I was all this is completely awesome!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
fussdate
So this morning Fuss snuck out of bed ("sneaking" = forgoing his traditional morning greetings of hitting me in the face with a book or sitting on my head and bouncing). When I did awake he was standing by the end table, staring at me with a mouth full of...something, looking like a mischievous chipmunk.
"Urkg!" I grunted, blinking and clutching at him like a drunken aunt after a 5th of bourbon. It took a few swipes to get purchase, and some digging to extract a handful of brown nuggets followed by a quantity of black drool down the front of his sleeper.
I've always kept the habit of talking to him like a functioning adult, so I brandished my find at him and demanded "what did you eat?"
For the first time ever, I got an answer.
"Peanuts!" he declared.
!!!
A forensic investigation of the living room revealed their true identity- hazelnuts from a bar of chocolate.
But I won't dock a 16 month old for confusing the two.
"Urkg!" I grunted, blinking and clutching at him like a drunken aunt after a 5th of bourbon. It took a few swipes to get purchase, and some digging to extract a handful of brown nuggets followed by a quantity of black drool down the front of his sleeper.
I've always kept the habit of talking to him like a functioning adult, so I brandished my find at him and demanded "what did you eat?"
For the first time ever, I got an answer.
"Peanuts!" he declared.
!!!
A forensic investigation of the living room revealed their true identity- hazelnuts from a bar of chocolate.
But I won't dock a 16 month old for confusing the two.
Uh, yeah
I'm finally back from what we laughingly dubbed my TOOTH-CATION.
It was a bit like a vacation, but instead of relaxing poolside with a tray of umbrella drinks near at hand you mostly just lie in bed writhing in pain, cursing the fact that every dentist in the county heads to Lake Tahoe for a long Thanksgiving weekend. Silver lining? Rapid weight loss!
The final toll was two visits to Medstop (the second of which inspired the previously affect-free receptionist to gasp and ask if I could breathe and the jocular doctor to note that my appearance was "verging on the grotesque",) a handful of pills three times a day, a Monday tooth extraction by the dentist who caught the earliest flight back from Tahoe, and a Friday follow up delivering a mixed payload. While the ex-tooth was healing nicely, a Dentisterial flyover of my remaining oral landscape revealed approximately two thousand dollars worth of future trouble.
The adventures of the past week neuter the prospect of ignoring this expensive prognosis. On the plus side, the dentists office offers their own low interest credit card!
It was a bit like a vacation, but instead of relaxing poolside with a tray of umbrella drinks near at hand you mostly just lie in bed writhing in pain, cursing the fact that every dentist in the county heads to Lake Tahoe for a long Thanksgiving weekend. Silver lining? Rapid weight loss!
The final toll was two visits to Medstop (the second of which inspired the previously affect-free receptionist to gasp and ask if I could breathe and the jocular doctor to note that my appearance was "verging on the grotesque",) a handful of pills three times a day, a Monday tooth extraction by the dentist who caught the earliest flight back from Tahoe, and a Friday follow up delivering a mixed payload. While the ex-tooth was healing nicely, a Dentisterial flyover of my remaining oral landscape revealed approximately two thousand dollars worth of future trouble.
The adventures of the past week neuter the prospect of ignoring this expensive prognosis. On the plus side, the dentists office offers their own low interest credit card!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
true customer tales
mom & daughter consider a TWILIGHT calendar.
Mom: Do they have their shirts off?
Daughter, disappointed: No.
Mom: Awwwww! That wasn't in the movie!
/edit
they bought it anyway.
Mom: Do they have their shirts off?
Daughter, disappointed: No.
Mom: Awwwww! That wasn't in the movie!
/edit
they bought it anyway.
grading rant
Dedicated to my pal Adrian, who shortly after sending me a signed copy of Chabon's latest was hit by a car, landed on his face and ended up with a titanium plate & a wired jaw. Get well soon!
First, there's no such classification as "Very Fine".
Fine is the top of the range, there is nothing beyond it. Describing a pristine book as Very Fine is like describing a corpse as Very Dead. They are binary states, you either qualify or you do not. The book, or the comic, or the chair or whatever is being described cannot give 110% on the condition front- it is what it is.
Note that this reality does not preclude lily gilding.
You're fully entitled to express enthusiasm for the intrinsic Fine-ness of your item. I'm fond of the descriptors "glossy", "pretty" and "clean" to emphasize condition.
But not 'Very Fine', or the abominable FINE +, the bastard spawn of a thousand lobotomized Ebay merchants.
Unprofessional language implies that you aren't dealing with a professional. And when it comes to grading objects, this is an air raid siren red alert spinning siren warning of inevitable impending disaster. The running joke here is when a customer says they have books that are in "great" shape, you'll be lucky if they're suitable for lining a birdcage.
Consider this cautionary tale from earlier today:
A lady brings in a large old book which she'd assured me was in "nice" shape on the phone. When she arrives and removes it from a protective grocery bag, I suppressed a sigh. When she asked why I didn't want it, I noted that the hinges were basically detached from the spine and that it was shedding loose pages- it was more a dilapidated folder of ratty newsprint than a book.
"But can't you just sell the pages?" she whined.
Hope springs eternal!
First, there's no such classification as "Very Fine".
Fine is the top of the range, there is nothing beyond it. Describing a pristine book as Very Fine is like describing a corpse as Very Dead. They are binary states, you either qualify or you do not. The book, or the comic, or the chair or whatever is being described cannot give 110% on the condition front- it is what it is.
Note that this reality does not preclude lily gilding.
You're fully entitled to express enthusiasm for the intrinsic Fine-ness of your item. I'm fond of the descriptors "glossy", "pretty" and "clean" to emphasize condition.
But not 'Very Fine', or the abominable FINE +, the bastard spawn of a thousand lobotomized Ebay merchants.
Unprofessional language implies that you aren't dealing with a professional. And when it comes to grading objects, this is an air raid siren red alert spinning siren warning of inevitable impending disaster. The running joke here is when a customer says they have books that are in "great" shape, you'll be lucky if they're suitable for lining a birdcage.
Consider this cautionary tale from earlier today:
A lady brings in a large old book which she'd assured me was in "nice" shape on the phone. When she arrives and removes it from a protective grocery bag, I suppressed a sigh. When she asked why I didn't want it, I noted that the hinges were basically detached from the spine and that it was shedding loose pages- it was more a dilapidated folder of ratty newsprint than a book.
"But can't you just sell the pages?" she whined.
Hope springs eternal!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
lol
In light of our own recent history, I'm having trouble keeping a straight face during NPR's oh so serious report about those dastardly Chinese commies who allegedly kidnap malcontents off the street and store them in off the books detention facilities where they are treated badly and not allowed access to the courts.
I guess it's only a problem when other countries do it?
Or was their mistake not shipping them off to Turkey or Uzbeckistan for the dirty work?
I guess it's only a problem when other countries do it?
Or was their mistake not shipping them off to Turkey or Uzbeckistan for the dirty work?
Monday, November 16, 2009
retro video: Soundgarden
File under tunes I loved, completely forgot about, rediscovered and was surprised to discover still kicked total ass
I scrounged up their first EP from the used bin at Boo Boo's, picked up Louder Than Love when it came out and then sort of lost track of them when they got popular. Some bands I track early and follow forever, but some lose too much glow if you have to share it with the world.
Anyway, this song is just as fantastic as I remember it being, and the nutty video catches them right as they're scrabbling over the top of the mountain, before they tumble down the other side into fame.
I scrounged up their first EP from the used bin at Boo Boo's, picked up Louder Than Love when it came out and then sort of lost track of them when they got popular. Some bands I track early and follow forever, but some lose too much glow if you have to share it with the world.
Anyway, this song is just as fantastic as I remember it being, and the nutty video catches them right as they're scrabbling over the top of the mountain, before they tumble down the other side into fame.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
True Customer Tales
Older couple come up with a stack of books that ring up to $17.94.
The wife comments
"1794...that sounds like the year something happened."
The wife comments
"1794...that sounds like the year something happened."
Saturday, November 14, 2009
True Customer Tales
young fella wearing pink short shorts with a red and black flannel & a blue ballcap:
Excuse me sir, I'm looking for Fitzcarraldo's Great Gatsby?
Excuse me sir, I'm looking for Fitzcarraldo's Great Gatsby?
True Customer Tales
older guy in ski cap:
I'm missing something...where's your non-fiction section?
me:
Well, pretty much the whole store is non-fiction. Everything except literature.
Guy: Oh!
me:
Are you looking for anything in particular?
Guy::
Yeah, Kerouac.
me:
.....well, he would actually belong in fiction.
I'm missing something...where's your non-fiction section?
me:
Well, pretty much the whole store is non-fiction. Everything except literature.
Guy: Oh!
me:
Are you looking for anything in particular?
Guy::
Yeah, Kerouac.
me:
.....well, he would actually belong in fiction.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
what kindle hath wrought
Our bookless future.
“When I look at books, I see an outdated technology, like scrolls before books,’’ said James Tracy, headmaster of Cushing and chief promoter of the bookless campus. “This isn’t ‘Fahrenheit 451’ [the 1953 Ray Bradbury novel in which books are banned]. We’re not discouraging students from reading. We see this as a natural way to shape emerging trends and optimize technology.’’
Anyone who's ever dealt with balky hardware and old data formats should be chucking to themselves right about now.
“When I look at books, I see an outdated technology, like scrolls before books,’’ said James Tracy, headmaster of Cushing and chief promoter of the bookless campus. “This isn’t ‘Fahrenheit 451’ [the 1953 Ray Bradbury novel in which books are banned]. We’re not discouraging students from reading. We see this as a natural way to shape emerging trends and optimize technology.’’
Anyone who's ever dealt with balky hardware and old data formats should be chucking to themselves right about now.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
true customer tales
Large nerd enters store with smaller beta nerd in tow, takes a theatrically deep breath and declares
"Aaaaaah...smells like KNOWLEDGE!"
Ten minutes later he dropped $20.00 on Star Trek: The Next Generation novelizations.
"Aaaaaah...smells like KNOWLEDGE!"
Ten minutes later he dropped $20.00 on Star Trek: The Next Generation novelizations.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
hey look an update!
Made a really dirt simple thing that tasted great yesterday- Pollo Colorado in the crock pot.
This is the recipe in its entirety:
2 medium yellow onions, sliced
2 red bell peppers, sliced
3-4 chicken breasts
1 28 oz can red chili sauce
Throw the sliced veggies in the crock, stir to combine.
Layer the chicken on top.
Dump the chili sauce over the top, turn dial to 'low' and let it go for 6 or 7 hours.
Shred the chicken, toss back in pot, stir up.
We used it for tacos, but it'd probably work better with burritos, with rice to soak up the juice.
YUM.
As good as it was with canned chili sauce, I can't wait to try it with home made.
This is the recipe in its entirety:
2 medium yellow onions, sliced
2 red bell peppers, sliced
3-4 chicken breasts
1 28 oz can red chili sauce
Throw the sliced veggies in the crock, stir to combine.
Layer the chicken on top.
Dump the chili sauce over the top, turn dial to 'low' and let it go for 6 or 7 hours.
Shred the chicken, toss back in pot, stir up.
We used it for tacos, but it'd probably work better with burritos, with rice to soak up the juice.
YUM.
As good as it was with canned chili sauce, I can't wait to try it with home made.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
true customer tales
older gal calls about selling books.
we engage in a much longer conversation than the subject warrants involving much repetition of my basic point. Eventually she signed off with this bon mot:
"Well, I'm for sure coming into town tomorrow, only it's not for sure."
...
BREAKING NEWS!
As I was typing this post a barrel-chested fellow with an impressive set of ear-plugs strode in the door wearing a black tee shirt that read YOUR BLOG SUCKS in giant, hot-pink sans serif type.
we engage in a much longer conversation than the subject warrants involving much repetition of my basic point. Eventually she signed off with this bon mot:
"Well, I'm for sure coming into town tomorrow, only it's not for sure."
...
BREAKING NEWS!
As I was typing this post a barrel-chested fellow with an impressive set of ear-plugs strode in the door wearing a black tee shirt that read YOUR BLOG SUCKS in giant, hot-pink sans serif type.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Ah, Parenting!
This morning's learned debate:
me: *takes plastic bag full of empty candy wrappers away from baby*
fuss: WAAAAAAAH!
wife: oh just let him play with it!
me: Plastic bags are dangerous.
wife: it's not one of those kinds of plastic bags!
me: it's a plastic bag! it's garbage! He's got plenty of toys, he doesn't need to play with garbage!
wife: Oh shut UP! you are SUCH an asshole!
fuss: *finds bird mask on floor, runs off toward the bedroom laughing*
scene.
me: *takes plastic bag full of empty candy wrappers away from baby*
fuss: WAAAAAAAH!
wife: oh just let him play with it!
me: Plastic bags are dangerous.
wife: it's not one of those kinds of plastic bags!
me: it's a plastic bag! it's garbage! He's got plenty of toys, he doesn't need to play with garbage!
wife: Oh shut UP! you are SUCH an asshole!
fuss: *finds bird mask on floor, runs off toward the bedroom laughing*
scene.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
sign o' the times
I realize I'm a terrible Luddite when it comes to the 'wireless revolution', not having a cell phone, not wanting a cell phone and being utterly bemused when be-celled dinner guests excuse themselves to the balcony to explain where they are and what they're doing to a friend they probably talk to 15 times a day (wait, what?).
Even so...
I'm grabbing a slice of pizza for lunch and I see what can only be described as a 'little boy', couldn't be more than 9 years old, TEXTING on a cell phone.
At first I thought he was playing a game on a PSP or something ("which would have been natural and fine", he said, spotlighting his prejudices,) but as I drew closer no, no handheld console, just a cell phone.
I'm not sure why, but texting seemed more alien to me than if he'd just been blabbing away. Even though I dislike talking on the phone and much prefer PMs or email. What's that quote? I contradict myself...so sue me?
Hmm, not sure I got it right...
Even so...
I'm grabbing a slice of pizza for lunch and I see what can only be described as a 'little boy', couldn't be more than 9 years old, TEXTING on a cell phone.
At first I thought he was playing a game on a PSP or something ("which would have been natural and fine", he said, spotlighting his prejudices,) but as I drew closer no, no handheld console, just a cell phone.
I'm not sure why, but texting seemed more alien to me than if he'd just been blabbing away. Even though I dislike talking on the phone and much prefer PMs or email. What's that quote? I contradict myself...so sue me?
Hmm, not sure I got it right...
Monday, October 26, 2009
thanks for nothing, Bobo!
Today as we were chatting about real estate he pointed out this comparable in Vermont. Quite an upgrade from my current funky layout mid-70's digs!
File under "highlighting the $$ value of temperate weather and coastal access".
How to tell I'm now a Man of Property: my first reaction to those pics was OMG it must cost a fortune to maintain!
File under "highlighting the $$ value of temperate weather and coastal access".
How to tell I'm now a Man of Property: my first reaction to those pics was OMG it must cost a fortune to maintain!
Sunday, October 25, 2009
True Customer Tales
Phone rings.
Nerdly sounding guy:
Um, er...yes. What...uh....books? It's when you exchange books for money? What do they call that?
me:
Buying them.
Guy:
That's it!
Nerdly sounding guy:
Um, er...yes. What...uh....books? It's when you exchange books for money? What do they call that?
me:
Buying them.
Guy:
That's it!
True Customer Tales
gal:
Uh, I'm sort of looking for something? Like, a box, with like five or six books in it? Like, a set? If it was about wine, that would be cool, but it could be about whatever?
me: ......
Uh, I'm sort of looking for something? Like, a box, with like five or six books in it? Like, a set? If it was about wine, that would be cool, but it could be about whatever?
me: ......
Saturday, October 24, 2009
the other shore
On my drive to therapy the other day Pema was nibbling around the edges of a description of enlightenment. One approach was to think of 'real' life as cinema, and she noted the tendency of people to cast themselves as the lead, however incidental their role in the drama actually is.
This is a helpful insight to carry around the house with you, folded in a pocket or tucked in your hat band. Consult it when the bathtub is full of toys that need excavating before a morning shower, or when confronted by a teetering pyramid of dishes that materialized in the sink while you were at work.
The toys are there because someone else gave the baby a bath and was too busy wrestling the little python into his pajamas to tidy up. The dishes are there because someone else was struggling to satisfy the bottomless demands of his appetite.
It's easy to be unjustifiably annoyed by things like this that happen while you're off stage. The star of the show shouldn't have to worry about these incidentals, should they?
Well, except a family is an ensemble cast.
This is a helpful insight to carry around the house with you, folded in a pocket or tucked in your hat band. Consult it when the bathtub is full of toys that need excavating before a morning shower, or when confronted by a teetering pyramid of dishes that materialized in the sink while you were at work.
The toys are there because someone else gave the baby a bath and was too busy wrestling the little python into his pajamas to tidy up. The dishes are there because someone else was struggling to satisfy the bottomless demands of his appetite.
It's easy to be unjustifiably annoyed by things like this that happen while you're off stage. The star of the show shouldn't have to worry about these incidentals, should they?
Well, except a family is an ensemble cast.
Monday, October 19, 2009
caveat emptor
When I caution folk on the dangers of laymen identifying 1st editions, This is the sort of thing I mean.
"This book is a 1st American Edition{as stated on the copyright page} in hardback. "
Which is technically true.
But it isn't a first printing, which pegs its value as a collectible at precisely zero.
They were diligent enough to provide an image of the copyright page, which tells the tale:
The absence of a '1' in the number line indicates a later printing (n this case, anyway- with used books there are always numerous exceptions to every rule).
An actual collectible 1st edition of this particular book would look like this.
And a quick bookseller tip for nascent Harry Potter collectors- if that 'valuable first edition' of the first or second book has a YEAR 1 or YEAR 2 stamp on the spine or DJ...it's not a 1st. They were added to later printings when the phenomenon started to really take off.
"This book is a 1st American Edition{as stated on the copyright page} in hardback. "
Which is technically true.
But it isn't a first printing, which pegs its value as a collectible at precisely zero.
They were diligent enough to provide an image of the copyright page, which tells the tale:
The absence of a '1' in the number line indicates a later printing (n this case, anyway- with used books there are always numerous exceptions to every rule).
An actual collectible 1st edition of this particular book would look like this.
And a quick bookseller tip for nascent Harry Potter collectors- if that 'valuable first edition' of the first or second book has a YEAR 1 or YEAR 2 stamp on the spine or DJ...it's not a 1st. They were added to later printings when the phenomenon started to really take off.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
books and books
Library sale this morning- roused Meggsie from her ancient slumber to wrangle the Fuss while we sifted books under the hot sun. 85 degrees at 9am in Los Osos is ridiculous. Roughly half the usual number of vultures were circling the carcass when we arrived- the weather must have suppressed turnout. They built a corral around the site with naval orange plastic webbing, which was new. A gal said they had problems last sale with people walking off without paying.
How much bad karma does that generate, stealing cheap-ass books from a library sale? I filled up six boxes and 4 grocery bags for under a hundred bucks (and that included a small stack from the 'collectibles' table)- we barely got them all in the car.
We scored lots of good stuff, which was more a reflection of the relative paucity of buyers than the quality of the sale. The small-ish turnout harbored a lesser number of dealers than usual, and dealers are each others only real competition. As jaundiced an eye as Joe & Jane Public cast my way as I sweep across tables gathering my armloads, they probably wouldn't want the stuff I pick up on my first couple of passes through a sale. Good internet books are mostly the sort of specific, obscure, oddball things that your average consumer wouldn't want in the first place, even for a quarter or a buck.
This sales favorite purchase was a box full of weird homebrewing books I found mis-filed in gardening. Volunteers make mistakes- neophyte scroungers are advised to scour every section, however unlikely they seem. I found a nice cache of Jungian stuff in literature, confounding Danielle Steel & Dan Brown. Alas there was no reprise of last sale, where I scored a nice 1st edition of New Moon (which must be nearly ripe, considering the density of the hype blanket it has thrown over the mediaverse).
How much bad karma does that generate, stealing cheap-ass books from a library sale? I filled up six boxes and 4 grocery bags for under a hundred bucks (and that included a small stack from the 'collectibles' table)- we barely got them all in the car.
We scored lots of good stuff, which was more a reflection of the relative paucity of buyers than the quality of the sale. The small-ish turnout harbored a lesser number of dealers than usual, and dealers are each others only real competition. As jaundiced an eye as Joe & Jane Public cast my way as I sweep across tables gathering my armloads, they probably wouldn't want the stuff I pick up on my first couple of passes through a sale. Good internet books are mostly the sort of specific, obscure, oddball things that your average consumer wouldn't want in the first place, even for a quarter or a buck.
This sales favorite purchase was a box full of weird homebrewing books I found mis-filed in gardening. Volunteers make mistakes- neophyte scroungers are advised to scour every section, however unlikely they seem. I found a nice cache of Jungian stuff in literature, confounding Danielle Steel & Dan Brown. Alas there was no reprise of last sale, where I scored a nice 1st edition of New Moon (which must be nearly ripe, considering the density of the hype blanket it has thrown over the mediaverse).
True Customer Tales
couple stops to check the posters in the window.
gal: Oh my gawd, RENT is playing tonight! How awesome is that?
guy: *grunts*
gal: What, it's RENT!
guy: That'd be great if I wanted to see RENT. *peers at poster in an exaggerated way* Wow, those are some good looking actors! Let's go see RENT! *dripping sarcasm*
gal: *walks off*
guy: What? What? I wanna see RENT! *leans in door* Ooooeee, I'm in trouble now!
gal: Oh my gawd, RENT is playing tonight! How awesome is that?
guy: *grunts*
gal: What, it's RENT!
guy: That'd be great if I wanted to see RENT. *peers at poster in an exaggerated way* Wow, those are some good looking actors! Let's go see RENT! *dripping sarcasm*
gal: *walks off*
guy: What? What? I wanna see RENT! *leans in door* Ooooeee, I'm in trouble now!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
True Customer Tales
Weathered looking gal with tattooed fingers lost in a giant parka comes in out of the rain.
"Do you guys mail stuff to people in prison?"
"Yes, as long as it was purchased here."
"Oh okay...I've got like ten bucks, is that enough?"
"For a pocket book, sure."
"She like true crime, murder type books- do you have a section for those?"
"Right this way."
"Do you have a book about Aileen Wuornos, that chick who killed all those dudes?"
"Not sure, but if we did this is the spot."
"Okay thanks."
She found a book (not about Aileen Wuornos) and as I was ringing her up she answered her cell phone.
"Hi, hello.....I'm sending a book to my girlfriend in prison."
"Do you guys mail stuff to people in prison?"
"Yes, as long as it was purchased here."
"Oh okay...I've got like ten bucks, is that enough?"
"For a pocket book, sure."
"She like true crime, murder type books- do you have a section for those?"
"Right this way."
"Do you have a book about Aileen Wuornos, that chick who killed all those dudes?"
"Not sure, but if we did this is the spot."
"Okay thanks."
She found a book (not about Aileen Wuornos) and as I was ringing her up she answered her cell phone.
"Hi, hello.....I'm sending a book to my girlfriend in prison."
clear channel has killed commercial radio
The CD player at the store is busted, so I've been listening to the radio.
The public station dedicates Tuesday to the Board of Supervisors meeting, which means an all-day gab-fest about nothing interesting.
So I dial around.
The college station is playing some sort of unlistanable noise. I mean that literally- it isn't some newfangled genre like 'punk' grating on the ears of an old man, it sounds like a Casio keyboard & a chainsaw had a baby via C-section, and the baby turned out to be a hungry alien and it started eating the delivering physician from the knees up.
Next up is a country station- BZZZT.
Mariachi music- BZZZT.
A cheesy DJ promising me something new from Nickelback- BZZZZT.
And back to the Board of Supervisors, which on the whole seems to be the lesser of several evils.
The public station dedicates Tuesday to the Board of Supervisors meeting, which means an all-day gab-fest about nothing interesting.
So I dial around.
The college station is playing some sort of unlistanable noise. I mean that literally- it isn't some newfangled genre like 'punk' grating on the ears of an old man, it sounds like a Casio keyboard & a chainsaw had a baby via C-section, and the baby turned out to be a hungry alien and it started eating the delivering physician from the knees up.
Next up is a country station- BZZZT.
Mariachi music- BZZZT.
A cheesy DJ promising me something new from Nickelback- BZZZZT.
And back to the Board of Supervisors, which on the whole seems to be the lesser of several evils.
storm warning
Last night I suffered a post-work flashback to my nearly forgotten youth as a Boy Scout, tying down the loose corner of carport awning then lugging columns of empty book boxes and several half-primered bookshelves into the garage for shelter.
Be Prepared!
Mother Nature laughed, wiping away my look of smug satisfaction with high winds that disjointed the ridge poll sometime in the pre-dawn hours. Off to work, the open door revealed a vista of ominously sagging awning, pregnant with rainwater and growing more rotund by the second.
I sprang into action, effecting repairs with the help of a convenient pair of milk crates (for loft) & a roll of Gorilla Tape (for structural support). Alas, I was soaked head to toe in the course of performing the necessary liquid abortion. Retiring for a costume change, I found the wife channeling Tom Courtenay circa The Dresser, having laid a dry outfit out. I essayed the role of a (hopefully more appreciative) Albert Finney, drenched and fuming from my detoured departure.
On my second departure I had to fight the urge to shout STOP....THAT.....RAIN!
Be Prepared!
Mother Nature laughed, wiping away my look of smug satisfaction with high winds that disjointed the ridge poll sometime in the pre-dawn hours. Off to work, the open door revealed a vista of ominously sagging awning, pregnant with rainwater and growing more rotund by the second.
I sprang into action, effecting repairs with the help of a convenient pair of milk crates (for loft) & a roll of Gorilla Tape (for structural support). Alas, I was soaked head to toe in the course of performing the necessary liquid abortion. Retiring for a costume change, I found the wife channeling Tom Courtenay circa The Dresser, having laid a dry outfit out. I essayed the role of a (hopefully more appreciative) Albert Finney, drenched and fuming from my detoured departure.
On my second departure I had to fight the urge to shout STOP....THAT.....RAIN!
Monday, October 12, 2009
solution oriented thinking
Reading books has been one of the more grievous casualties inflicted by the invading Fuss hoards. If he's awake, anything in my hands commands his full and demanding attention. When he's asleep domestic projects take precedence- as pleasant a prospect as reclining on the deck with novel in hand paints, there are endless ranges of dishes to wash, shelves to paint & paper, meals to prepare, weeds to hoe...on and on, fading by infinitesimal degrees into the misty distance like a Chinese landscape.
And then sleep.
As I must rise when he does, the span of the narrow gap separating his and my bed time is dictated by an unforgiving calculus. But, I can control the widths of the spines my aspiring literary paramours. The imposition of Project: Runway standards on my reading list can't but help my completion percentage.
The first test is Holy the Firm by Annie Dillard, 76 pages dripping wet.
Progress reports will follow.
And then sleep.
As I must rise when he does, the span of the narrow gap separating his and my bed time is dictated by an unforgiving calculus. But, I can control the widths of the spines my aspiring literary paramours. The imposition of Project: Runway standards on my reading list can't but help my completion percentage.
The first test is Holy the Firm by Annie Dillard, 76 pages dripping wet.
Progress reports will follow.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
true customer tales
A demi-homeless fellow in a filthy navy watch cap rolled up to the door on a splintered skateboard, a white plastic trash bag half-full of paperbacks slung over his shoulder.
He hauled them onto the counter & began worrying at the knot like a racoon.
It was fairly bustling and I was busy on the phone, checking titles and ringing people up for a good 5 minutes.
I checked back in and he was still picking and tugging, having succeeded only in making it more secure.
I started pricing stuff out and worked through a sizeable stack before he surrendered to the knot and tore through the side of the bag with his fingernails.
Unfortunately the books were about what you'd expect given their provenance- I was hoping for a buried treasure that would provide a happy capstone to the tale.
He hauled them onto the counter & began worrying at the knot like a racoon.
It was fairly bustling and I was busy on the phone, checking titles and ringing people up for a good 5 minutes.
I checked back in and he was still picking and tugging, having succeeded only in making it more secure.
I started pricing stuff out and worked through a sizeable stack before he surrendered to the knot and tore through the side of the bag with his fingernails.
Unfortunately the books were about what you'd expect given their provenance- I was hoping for a buried treasure that would provide a happy capstone to the tale.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
true customer tales
Winger edition!
A gal buying a discount calendar whines about the parking meters and I reply with my de riguer comment that the Man needs money whether they're allowed to raise taxes or not.
lady: What do you mean?
me: It isn't politically feasible to raise taxes, so they get the money in other ways.
lady, affronted: We pay PROPERTY taxes and SALES taxes!
me: And the state is still essentially bankrupt, so....
lady, snarling: Well then maybe they shouldn't build big new government buildings they don't need!
I smiled insincerely and passed across her change, deciding not to engage on the necessity of upgrading our circa 1930's City Hall that hasn't been big enough for 25 years.
I'd like to see an episode of the Twilight Zone where anti-government zealots get their wish and aliens make the whole apparatus vanish overnight.
A gal buying a discount calendar whines about the parking meters and I reply with my de riguer comment that the Man needs money whether they're allowed to raise taxes or not.
lady: What do you mean?
me: It isn't politically feasible to raise taxes, so they get the money in other ways.
lady, affronted: We pay PROPERTY taxes and SALES taxes!
me: And the state is still essentially bankrupt, so....
lady, snarling: Well then maybe they shouldn't build big new government buildings they don't need!
I smiled insincerely and passed across her change, deciding not to engage on the necessity of upgrading our circa 1930's City Hall that hasn't been big enough for 25 years.
I'd like to see an episode of the Twilight Zone where anti-government zealots get their wish and aliens make the whole apparatus vanish overnight.
Happy Birthday to the Wife!
I was going to get her a hot pink Jeep stroller, but somebody must have squealed.
Neither one of us is real big on these things- my default is sushi with a few friends for my yearly dose of mercury. The wife is more social, but less inclined to celebrate the weight of another calendar year settling around her shoulders like a wet towel.
I think we're ordering Thai for dinner- that'll be fun.
A second, less conflicted milestone also falls this week- our 10th wedding anniversary.
Yes, dear readers, a decade of wedded bliss has crept by on tiny padded feet.
Twice as many years as I've been penning this fine blog. About how old the Fuss would be if years of therapy hadn't been required to pave his way. A little less than one quarter of my entire life, and a little more than half of the parts I actually remember.
Fuss's heroic auntie Burl has volunteered for an overnight wrangle, so we're off to a nearby resort for our first child-free night since his arrival.
And that, my friends, is cause for celebration!
Neither one of us is real big on these things- my default is sushi with a few friends for my yearly dose of mercury. The wife is more social, but less inclined to celebrate the weight of another calendar year settling around her shoulders like a wet towel.
I think we're ordering Thai for dinner- that'll be fun.
A second, less conflicted milestone also falls this week- our 10th wedding anniversary.
Yes, dear readers, a decade of wedded bliss has crept by on tiny padded feet.
Twice as many years as I've been penning this fine blog. About how old the Fuss would be if years of therapy hadn't been required to pave his way. A little less than one quarter of my entire life, and a little more than half of the parts I actually remember.
Fuss's heroic auntie Burl has volunteered for an overnight wrangle, so we're off to a nearby resort for our first child-free night since his arrival.
And that, my friends, is cause for celebration!
Monday, October 5, 2009
ugh.
The wife just rolled in with a new stroller for the Fuss, which we definitely needed.
I'm a little iffy that we needed one with a hot pink paint job and giant black JEEP branding on every available surface, even if it was on sale.
Gosh, I wonder why it was discounted?
If I were a young hipster, I could probably pass it off as IRONY.
"Pink! JEEP! Boy child! GET IT?!?!"
I'm a little iffy that we needed one with a hot pink paint job and giant black JEEP branding on every available surface, even if it was on sale.
Gosh, I wonder why it was discounted?
If I were a young hipster, I could probably pass it off as IRONY.
"Pink! JEEP! Boy child! GET IT?!?!"
true customer tales
Got the first shipment of calendars in.
Now there's a disheviled old woman digging through the boxes and muttering angrily under her breath, providing an unintelligible, belligerent running commentary directed at their covers- BIG Fish, Yoga Journal, Fantasy Heroes.
I'm curious which, if any, she'll pick up.
/edit
Vintage Mustangs was the only offering to meet her rigorous standards.
Now there's a disheviled old woman digging through the boxes and muttering angrily under her breath, providing an unintelligible, belligerent running commentary directed at their covers- BIG Fish, Yoga Journal, Fantasy Heroes.
I'm curious which, if any, she'll pick up.
/edit
Vintage Mustangs was the only offering to meet her rigorous standards.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Update for the love of updating! Update for love of Kali!
The last couple of weeks I've been at a low ebb, energy-wise.
I'm uncertain exactly which internal process compels me to stuff this blog with the magpie detritus of my internet roamings and gild the unshapely result with work anecdotes and personal musings, but judging by this recent drought it requires some small surplus of energy for fuel.
We passed around the illness baton for a week or so, and now Fuss is going through some rough developmental transition that has cut out one of his two daily naps and turned him surly around bed time, which has crept down from 7pm to 5:30-6pm. Plus he's started waking up stupidly early again after lulling me into complacency with several weeks of steady 7:30-8am rising.
As the rest of life's ever-marching parade of seamless minutia waits for no one, some apparently non-essential programs were cut to close the energy gap. Like reading and blogging. But as with the Governator closing all the state parks, such a seemingly practical response creates a gaping spiritual void.
So, here I am, updating sans anything compelling to update about. A Seinfeldian update, an update about itself.
I'm uncertain exactly which internal process compels me to stuff this blog with the magpie detritus of my internet roamings and gild the unshapely result with work anecdotes and personal musings, but judging by this recent drought it requires some small surplus of energy for fuel.
We passed around the illness baton for a week or so, and now Fuss is going through some rough developmental transition that has cut out one of his two daily naps and turned him surly around bed time, which has crept down from 7pm to 5:30-6pm. Plus he's started waking up stupidly early again after lulling me into complacency with several weeks of steady 7:30-8am rising.
As the rest of life's ever-marching parade of seamless minutia waits for no one, some apparently non-essential programs were cut to close the energy gap. Like reading and blogging. But as with the Governator closing all the state parks, such a seemingly practical response creates a gaping spiritual void.
So, here I am, updating sans anything compelling to update about. A Seinfeldian update, an update about itself.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
best telemarketing call in a minute
gal on phone:
Hello, this is Melissa with Pacebuilder Corporation and we're interested in buying any cell phone scrap you have to sell.
me:
Um...we're a used book store.
gal, flustered:
Oh...really? Are you sure you're not a recycling company?
me:
I suppose we recycle books....but we don't deal in cell phones.
gal:
Oh, very sorry! Good afternoon!
Hello, this is Melissa with Pacebuilder Corporation and we're interested in buying any cell phone scrap you have to sell.
me:
Um...we're a used book store.
gal, flustered:
Oh...really? Are you sure you're not a recycling company?
me:
I suppose we recycle books....but we don't deal in cell phones.
gal:
Oh, very sorry! Good afternoon!
Monday, September 28, 2009
True Customer Tales
wide-eyed young lady: This is kind of random, but do you know if there's a witchcraft or Wicca store in town?
Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Anatomy of Nostalgia
Ran across a book with the title "Where Did You Go?" "Out." "What Did You Do?" "Nothing." by Robert Paul Smith, subtitled How it was when you were a kid- and how things have deteriorated since.
Publication date: 1957.
So much for Happy Days!
Publication date: 1957.
So much for Happy Days!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
depressing
Young gal with a baby under one arm and the symbol of Chaos tattooed on her cleavage just asked me if we mailed books to the jail.
GRATZ to Meggsie!
Her college of choice welcomed her with open arms today.
In light of this display of wisdom and perspicacity, I take back my rude comments regarding their online application system and usurious application fee.
We'll be making a celebratory visit to Sage Eco Gardens to pick out an appropriate Commemorative Tree soon.
In light of this display of wisdom and perspicacity, I take back my rude comments regarding their online application system and usurious application fee.
We'll be making a celebratory visit to Sage Eco Gardens to pick out an appropriate Commemorative Tree soon.
Monday, September 14, 2009
not all that retro video: Black Keys
I want to weave a magic carpet from the sound of that guitar and ride it to Oz.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Oh my
If true, this will make the value of my gorgeous 1st edition of the book go through the roof.
I picked it up at the dawn of the internet bookselling boom for 20 bucks because I love Tim Powers. I have perfect 1st's of all his greatest works- On Stranger Tides, Stress of Her Regard, Last Call.
In bookselling as in art, you can't go wrong buying what you like.
Sometimes you'll even turn a profit.
I picked it up at the dawn of the internet bookselling boom for 20 bucks because I love Tim Powers. I have perfect 1st's of all his greatest works- On Stranger Tides, Stress of Her Regard, Last Call.
In bookselling as in art, you can't go wrong buying what you like.
Sometimes you'll even turn a profit.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
true customer tales
A tiny old lady comes in looking for a new book we haven't got, then sticks around for a bit of a monologue.
"I'm almost blind you know...almost....I can't get anybody to read for me anymore. Well, anyone good...they're all, they're all idiots around here. This used to be a nice town, you know? Now it's all....it's getting crummy. The eye doctor...I know four people who won suits against him. I could tell you things. Getting crummy...well, guess its time to move along."
"I'm almost blind you know...almost....I can't get anybody to read for me anymore. Well, anyone good...they're all, they're all idiots around here. This used to be a nice town, you know? Now it's all....it's getting crummy. The eye doctor...I know four people who won suits against him. I could tell you things. Getting crummy...well, guess its time to move along."
Monday, September 7, 2009
Fuss's new favorite book
My Booky Wook by Russel Brand.
It was my nighttime read last week, when Fuss was popping awake at about ten. He would sit up and point at the pages and laugh along. The wife's efforts to interest him in something more age appropriate were met with arm-waving disdain. He would shove the board book away, crawl over me and drag My Booky Wook back from where I'd hidden it, patting the cover and smiling.
This morning I woke up and he was sitting next to me, book in hand, chortling happily to himself.
Fortunately the camera was nearby to document this formative event.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
True Customer Tales
gal wanders up to counter.
Do you have your calendars yet?
It being (barely) September, I do a double take and say "excuse me?"
gal: Do you have your calendars yet, you usually have your calendars now.
me: They usually show up in late November or early December.
gal: *stares at me blankly then wanders away*
Do you have your calendars yet?
It being (barely) September, I do a double take and say "excuse me?"
gal: Do you have your calendars yet, you usually have your calendars now.
me: They usually show up in late November or early December.
gal: *stares at me blankly then wanders away*
True Customer Tale UPDATE
Today leads off with a call from the son of yesterday's serial caller ringing up to ask the same questions because "mom is a little bit confused".
I supply the details, he thanks me and hopefully that'll be the end of it until these legendary cookbooks roll through the door.
I supply the details, he thanks me and hopefully that'll be the end of it until these legendary cookbooks roll through the door.
Monday, August 31, 2009
stupid title (and genre) of the month
The whole OMG VAMPIRES thing jumps the shark with the arrival of this gem by Kate MacAlister:
CROUCHING VAMPIRE, HIDDEN FANG
Tag line:
The honeymoon is over.....and reality bites.
And here I thought the cat mysteries and cooking mysteries had used up all the stupid pun titles.
CROUCHING VAMPIRE, HIDDEN FANG
Tag line:
The honeymoon is over.....and reality bites.
And here I thought the cat mysteries and cooking mysteries had used up all the stupid pun titles.
true customer tales
An old gal has called me 5 times in the last 15 minutes asking if we buy books.
When I answer in the affirmative she asks if we buy cookbooks.
I say yes, she thanks me and hangs up.
How would Miss Manners tell her to stop effing calling?
/edit
CALL #6
old gal:
Hello, I know I've called before, but would you buy cookbooks tomorrow?
me, for the 6th time:
Yep, any day before 4pm.
old gal:
Oh, thank you!
me:
*crosses fingers*
When I answer in the affirmative she asks if we buy cookbooks.
I say yes, she thanks me and hangs up.
How would Miss Manners tell her to stop effing calling?
/edit
CALL #6
old gal:
Hello, I know I've called before, but would you buy cookbooks tomorrow?
me, for the 6th time:
Yep, any day before 4pm.
old gal:
Oh, thank you!
me:
*crosses fingers*
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
More Fuss Than Fuss is his motto
It may startle some of you to hear that the Fuss evolves apace, whether I update regularly or not. I have pictures to support this hypothesis, although they rest in digital purgatory while I figure out how to use Lightroom.. Proof will arrive one way or another- either I will conquer Lightroom, storming the bastion of its secrets with ladder and flail, or grow weary of the assault and upload the pics warts and all.
Not that the Fuss needs any digital sweetening, but I prefer to crop out the wasteland of debris we pretend is our living room when I can.
The larger he gets the more obvious & uncanny our physical similarity.
Short legs, giant butt, long torso & monkey arms.
My clone, save for the wife's feet and ears stuck on Mr. Potatohead style.
Somewhat alarmingly he's already flashing some of my character traits as well- at one year and change he's already developed a taste for ALONE TIME.
He'll start freaking out, and you put him in the pack-n-play assuming he's ready for a nap, only to find him sitting quietly looking out the window a half hour later, or hear him burbling happily over a book, or declaiming to his stuffed monkey.
And he is no longer automatically content when you pick him up. Now he wants back down, so he can pursue whatever local feature catches his attention- the neighbors cat, or their crystal peppermill, or that tray of ashes under the BBQ grill.
So instead of feeling put upon because he wants to be held 24/7 you feel put upon because you're chasing him around pissing him off by denying this or that object of momentary fascination.
I'm thinking this is the procession of childhood.
Annoyances drift into the misty past on the current of memory, their bright edges dulled by blooming patches of nostalgia, to be replaced in the moment by sparkling new annoyances which gleam for a time before drifting away in their turn.
On a long enough timeline it all transforms, I'm sure.
Glass shattering three AM screaming fits, apocalyptic diaper blowouts and Exorcist-style projectile vomiting becoming charming family anecdotes, or at worst cautionary tales for the unwary.
Not that the Fuss needs any digital sweetening, but I prefer to crop out the wasteland of debris we pretend is our living room when I can.
The larger he gets the more obvious & uncanny our physical similarity.
Short legs, giant butt, long torso & monkey arms.
My clone, save for the wife's feet and ears stuck on Mr. Potatohead style.
Somewhat alarmingly he's already flashing some of my character traits as well- at one year and change he's already developed a taste for ALONE TIME.
He'll start freaking out, and you put him in the pack-n-play assuming he's ready for a nap, only to find him sitting quietly looking out the window a half hour later, or hear him burbling happily over a book, or declaiming to his stuffed monkey.
And he is no longer automatically content when you pick him up. Now he wants back down, so he can pursue whatever local feature catches his attention- the neighbors cat, or their crystal peppermill, or that tray of ashes under the BBQ grill.
So instead of feeling put upon because he wants to be held 24/7 you feel put upon because you're chasing him around pissing him off by denying this or that object of momentary fascination.
I'm thinking this is the procession of childhood.
Annoyances drift into the misty past on the current of memory, their bright edges dulled by blooming patches of nostalgia, to be replaced in the moment by sparkling new annoyances which gleam for a time before drifting away in their turn.
On a long enough timeline it all transforms, I'm sure.
Glass shattering three AM screaming fits, apocalyptic diaper blowouts and Exorcist-style projectile vomiting becoming charming family anecdotes, or at worst cautionary tales for the unwary.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Book Psychic
gal:
I'm looking for a book, it's not a cookbook but it's about cooking?
me:
Do you know the title or author?
gal:
I'm not sure...it was like, Food Emergency or something?
me:
Kitchen Confidential?
gal, laughing:
That's it! Food Emergency...gawd!
I'm looking for a book, it's not a cookbook but it's about cooking?
me:
Do you know the title or author?
gal:
I'm not sure...it was like, Food Emergency or something?
me:
Kitchen Confidential?
gal, laughing:
That's it! Food Emergency...gawd!
food post: Roasted Chili & Tomato Salsa
Made a batch of probably my best ever salsa last night.
It was also the easiest, assuming a live BBQ- dig it:
1 medium tomato
1 smallish red & 1 smallish yellow bell pepper
2 jalapenos
1 thick slice (3/4") white onion.
handful of chopped cilantro
salt to taste
Grill all the vegetables until charred and soft.
Pull the tops off the peppers.
Dump the whole lot into a blender or food processor & puree thoroughly.
Salt to taste.
It was shockingly, outlandishly good given the humble preparation.
Now I'll be tempted to make a batch every time I fire up the grill- I wonder if it freezes worth a damn?
/edit
might as well throw in the super easy & delicious fajita/steak taco prep while I'm at it.
1 big chunk flank steak (or flap steak, they're equally tasty)
juice from 2-3 limes, depending on how much meat you've got
salt
Drizzle about half the lime juice over both sides of the steak & sprinkle well with salt.
Sear meat over the hottest part of the fire for a few minutes, then move to the edge & cook about 5 minutes per side.
Drizzle with the rest of the lime juice & let rest 10 minutes.
Cut thinly across the grain & serve with flour or corn tortillas.
It was also the easiest, assuming a live BBQ- dig it:
1 medium tomato
1 smallish red & 1 smallish yellow bell pepper
2 jalapenos
1 thick slice (3/4") white onion.
handful of chopped cilantro
salt to taste
Grill all the vegetables until charred and soft.
Pull the tops off the peppers.
Dump the whole lot into a blender or food processor & puree thoroughly.
Salt to taste.
It was shockingly, outlandishly good given the humble preparation.
Now I'll be tempted to make a batch every time I fire up the grill- I wonder if it freezes worth a damn?
/edit
might as well throw in the super easy & delicious fajita/steak taco prep while I'm at it.
1 big chunk flank steak (or flap steak, they're equally tasty)
juice from 2-3 limes, depending on how much meat you've got
salt
Drizzle about half the lime juice over both sides of the steak & sprinkle well with salt.
Sear meat over the hottest part of the fire for a few minutes, then move to the edge & cook about 5 minutes per side.
Drizzle with the rest of the lime juice & let rest 10 minutes.
Cut thinly across the grain & serve with flour or corn tortillas.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Music: MGMT
this is a neat tune.
I'm liking the current trend of bands partially digesting the 80's, copping the sounds but avoiding the sort of worshipful nostalgia it doesn't really deserve.
I'm liking the current trend of bands partially digesting the 80's, copping the sounds but avoiding the sort of worshipful nostalgia it doesn't really deserve.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
music: pains of being pure at heart
why isn't this song a hit?
Or at least known by a wider audience than music nerds who haunt the interwebs in search of new thrills.
It's catchy as hell, the lyrics are clever and it's got a fantastic sound.
Radio's the same as newspapers- they aren't dying, they're committing suicide.
Monday, August 17, 2009
True Customer Tales
Grubby kid to pig-eyed mom, pointing excitedly at our Jan Saudek print showing two partially clad ladies embracing:
Mom, that's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, MOM LOOK, that's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, isn't that UN-PROPRIATE? Look, Mom! Mom, it's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, MOM, MOM MOM MOM!
Mom ignores kid, walks out door.
Mom, that's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, MOM LOOK, that's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, isn't that UN-PROPRIATE? Look, Mom! Mom, it's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, MOM, MOM MOM MOM!
Mom ignores kid, walks out door.
True Customer Tales
Kid, aggrieved by the dust jacket of a Harry Potter book:
Mom, can I take this case off? It's really bugging me!
Mom: No, I'm afraid not. Do you want me to tape it on like the books from the library?
Kid: Yes!
A book vandal in the very cradle!
Mom, can I take this case off? It's really bugging me!
Mom: No, I'm afraid not. Do you want me to tape it on like the books from the library?
Kid: Yes!
A book vandal in the very cradle!
Promo Line of the Year
Attached to a murky, low rent mystery entitled Death in the North Sea by John R.L. Anderson
Footnote below the author's name on the cover reads
"The Dick Francis of Boating"
quotes included.
Footnote below the author's name on the cover reads
"The Dick Francis of Boating"
quotes included.
True Customer Tales
But not random strangers this time!
Shawn & Spencer wander in to see if we're buying books. I answer in the affirmative.
Shawn: Okay Spencer, let's go.
Spencer: I want to go over here!
Shawn: Come on, help me carry the books.
Spencer, wandering off toward the kids books: Uh....no thanks!
Shawn & Spencer wander in to see if we're buying books. I answer in the affirmative.
Shawn: Okay Spencer, let's go.
Spencer: I want to go over here!
Shawn: Come on, help me carry the books.
Spencer, wandering off toward the kids books: Uh....no thanks!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
small pleasures
I'm always inordinately pleased when something I play lures one of the downtown hipsters to the counter in search of the artist's name.
Today's winner was Nia Nastasia - Run to Ruin.
They hate asking, because it means admitting the middle aged fatty in the Old Navy shirt behind the counter has something on them in the culture wars.
But as their love of the music gradually overcomes their self image, they creep closer and closer before finally breaking down.
/edit
sample track courtesy Mal
Also, just found out her drummer is the dude from Dirty Three, who I also suspect of having been the drummer for White Magic when they opened for Bonnie Prince. That makes sense, some of her tracks have the same aura of woozy dread Dirty Three can conjure up.
Today's winner was Nia Nastasia - Run to Ruin.
They hate asking, because it means admitting the middle aged fatty in the Old Navy shirt behind the counter has something on them in the culture wars.
But as their love of the music gradually overcomes their self image, they creep closer and closer before finally breaking down.
/edit
sample track courtesy Mal
Also, just found out her drummer is the dude from Dirty Three, who I also suspect of having been the drummer for White Magic when they opened for Bonnie Prince. That makes sense, some of her tracks have the same aura of woozy dread Dirty Three can conjure up.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
true customer tales
kid & mom, walking past front door.
Kid, gesturing:
I'm this close to dying, mom.
I'm this close to dying...and you don't care!
Kid, gesturing:
I'm this close to dying, mom.
I'm this close to dying...and you don't care!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
WOW the hits keep coming!
Old couple in their 70's brings in some books for trade.
The old guy goes to browse, and his wife hangs back, leans across the counter and says something I don't quite catch, ending in "hot".
me: Mmm? The weather's hot?
lady, emphatically: You are so goddamn hot!
me: !!!!
lady: Don't forget to tell your wife I said so!
The old guy goes to browse, and his wife hangs back, leans across the counter and says something I don't quite catch, ending in "hot".
me: Mmm? The weather's hot?
lady, emphatically: You are so goddamn hot!
me: !!!!
lady: Don't forget to tell your wife I said so!
true customer tales
short balding guy:
Where do you keep your NERD books?
me:
uh...what kind?
guy:
Oh, you know, NERD books!
me:
Like? We have LOTS of nerd books.
guy:
Uh, physics?
me:
(gives directions)
/edit
same guy, asking after a bathroom:
You guys gotta bathroom?
(sotto voice) I gotta take a BIG DUMP!
me:
no, our plumbing is shot.
(gives directions to the public restroom)
guy:
Well I gotta...I gotta tell my wife...she's...(gestures).she's...AT THE VAGINA STORE, the one where I get my period every time I walk in the door!
me:
You don't say!
Where do you keep your NERD books?
me:
uh...what kind?
guy:
Oh, you know, NERD books!
me:
Like? We have LOTS of nerd books.
guy:
Uh, physics?
me:
(gives directions)
/edit
same guy, asking after a bathroom:
You guys gotta bathroom?
(sotto voice) I gotta take a BIG DUMP!
me:
no, our plumbing is shot.
(gives directions to the public restroom)
guy:
Well I gotta...I gotta tell my wife...she's...(gestures).she's...AT THE VAGINA STORE, the one where I get my period every time I walk in the door!
me:
You don't say!
Differences of Opinion
I was poking around for some quote today and stumbled across this page.
I knew in an abstract way that there were lots of translations of the Bible, and that translations can differ pretty dramatically, but seeing something like that 'in the flesh' really brings it home.
If I were the Bible Certification Board I would fine the New American Standard Bible for excluding the word "dung".
I think my favorite is from the Douay-Rheims Bible:
Dung of your solemnities sounds like something Uncle Timmy would come up with after a big glass of absinthe.
I knew in an abstract way that there were lots of translations of the Bible, and that translations can differ pretty dramatically, but seeing something like that 'in the flesh' really brings it home.
If I were the Bible Certification Board I would fine the New American Standard Bible for excluding the word "dung".
I think my favorite is from the Douay-Rheims Bible:
Behold, I will cast the shoulder to you, and I will scatter upon your face the dung of your solemnities, and it shall take you away with it.
Dung of your solemnities sounds like something Uncle Timmy would come up with after a big glass of absinthe.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
true customer tales
guy comes in to pick up a copy of Doctor Zhivago we were holding.
Guy, after I hand him the book:
OOOOOOhhh, that's thicker than I wanted! OOooooh!
me:
mmmm.
Guy, leafing through skeptically:
Well, it won the NOBEL, so it must be worth reading!
me, attempting to get in the spirit:
and they made a movie out of it!
Guy:
You ever read it?
me:
Nope. The movie was good.
Guy, setting it down and digging for his wallet:
Well, it won the NOBEL.
Guy, after I hand him the book:
OOOOOOhhh, that's thicker than I wanted! OOooooh!
me:
mmmm.
Guy, leafing through skeptically:
Well, it won the NOBEL, so it must be worth reading!
me, attempting to get in the spirit:
and they made a movie out of it!
Guy:
You ever read it?
me:
Nope. The movie was good.
Guy, setting it down and digging for his wallet:
Well, it won the NOBEL.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
slow news days
Been sick and busy the last while, sorry about the radio silence.
We hit two library sales last month and both yielded varied, delightful fruit.
The El Oh sale is cheap, long on 'stock' (good books that aren't worth selling on line- these go to the store for trade credit) and thin on net books as a percentage.
We still made out fine- bought ~10 boxes of books, listed roughly two boxes and have already sold enough to pay for the sale and generate a profit.
Yesterday was our first trip up to the Cambria sale, and I was impressed. Lots of specific, oddball stuff- prime territory for good net books. Relatively expensive- we spent the same amount on half as many books. Lots of good stuff for the net though- happy customer, will visit again.
Getting there was slightly nightmarish- they held it at the vets hall on the same day they close down the vets hall parking lot for a Farmer's Market. And their web site lied about the time, so we showed up late. The wife ended up dumping me off at the front door and parking in the sticks.
Fortunately there weren't many scouts & dealers at the sale so we still did fine.
Then it was home to wrangle up a BBQ for the Youngfriends(tm) & Timmy, Burl & Fiend. This was my first turn at the grill, Uncle Timmy having handled the honors for Fuss's birthday.
There were some expected first timer pitfalls. A deficit of coals I left too long in the starter, necessitating an emergency run to the store (thx MEGGSIE), some adventures preparing the chicken breasts for their payload of sun dried tomatoes, basil & goat cheese, and an unfortunate collision between my majestic ass and Meggsie's paint stand, which shattered her "creepy doll head" (Devra's description, not mine) and blew up the pot with her new Monkey's Paw plant.
Omelets & breaking eggs and all that.
The gals had been painting, and while inspecting their latest the talk turned to inspiration and creativity, and how much of it they both felt while working on the patio. I thought mom would like that since her outlets were mostly blocked, by circumstance & temperament.
When we moved in, the guy downstairs had locked the patio door, walled it off behind boxes, and buried the patio itself in a startling array of junk. The lock was frozen solid- I had to replace the knob to get it open.
I'm not big into feng shui, but c'mon now.
Now it's the place where plants and paintings grow, where Meggsie plays her piano while the Fiend dances around the living room and we drink beer outside, in mist suffused with warm light from the windows and open door and cascading notes ring the muffled air.
A tide of fresh garlic bread smell poured down over the deck from the oven upstairs, crashed into the rising scents off the grill and swirled together like a wild Van Gogh night sky.
I moved the food around the fire, listening, watching.
We hit two library sales last month and both yielded varied, delightful fruit.
The El Oh sale is cheap, long on 'stock' (good books that aren't worth selling on line- these go to the store for trade credit) and thin on net books as a percentage.
We still made out fine- bought ~10 boxes of books, listed roughly two boxes and have already sold enough to pay for the sale and generate a profit.
Yesterday was our first trip up to the Cambria sale, and I was impressed. Lots of specific, oddball stuff- prime territory for good net books. Relatively expensive- we spent the same amount on half as many books. Lots of good stuff for the net though- happy customer, will visit again.
Getting there was slightly nightmarish- they held it at the vets hall on the same day they close down the vets hall parking lot for a Farmer's Market. And their web site lied about the time, so we showed up late. The wife ended up dumping me off at the front door and parking in the sticks.
Fortunately there weren't many scouts & dealers at the sale so we still did fine.
Then it was home to wrangle up a BBQ for the Youngfriends(tm) & Timmy, Burl & Fiend. This was my first turn at the grill, Uncle Timmy having handled the honors for Fuss's birthday.
There were some expected first timer pitfalls. A deficit of coals I left too long in the starter, necessitating an emergency run to the store (thx MEGGSIE), some adventures preparing the chicken breasts for their payload of sun dried tomatoes, basil & goat cheese, and an unfortunate collision between my majestic ass and Meggsie's paint stand, which shattered her "creepy doll head" (Devra's description, not mine) and blew up the pot with her new Monkey's Paw plant.
Omelets & breaking eggs and all that.
The gals had been painting, and while inspecting their latest the talk turned to inspiration and creativity, and how much of it they both felt while working on the patio. I thought mom would like that since her outlets were mostly blocked, by circumstance & temperament.
When we moved in, the guy downstairs had locked the patio door, walled it off behind boxes, and buried the patio itself in a startling array of junk. The lock was frozen solid- I had to replace the knob to get it open.
I'm not big into feng shui, but c'mon now.
Now it's the place where plants and paintings grow, where Meggsie plays her piano while the Fiend dances around the living room and we drink beer outside, in mist suffused with warm light from the windows and open door and cascading notes ring the muffled air.
A tide of fresh garlic bread smell poured down over the deck from the oven upstairs, crashed into the rising scents off the grill and swirled together like a wild Van Gogh night sky.
I moved the food around the fire, listening, watching.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
fashion forward
One of my touchstone downtown crazies, Homeless Steve Martin, is sporting a new summer look.
Still wearing his huge purple parka with the hood up, still sporting his giant amber old person sun goggles, the kind designed to fit over a big pair of eyeglasses.
Now he's added a huge polar fleece beanie, worn over the hood of his parka.
Truly, it's the cherry on top of the derelict sundae.
Still wearing his huge purple parka with the hood up, still sporting his giant amber old person sun goggles, the kind designed to fit over a big pair of eyeglasses.
Now he's added a huge polar fleece beanie, worn over the hood of his parka.
Truly, it's the cherry on top of the derelict sundae.
true customer tales
mom with a little boy and girl buys them a few books.
as they leave the little boy comments:
We get to keep these? Forever?
mom: Yes.
boy & girl in unison: COOOOOOL!
as they leave the little boy comments:
We get to keep these? Forever?
mom: Yes.
boy & girl in unison: COOOOOOL!
FOUND
Opened up a book and a German 500,000 mark note from 1923 fell out.
Not as weird as the postcard with the canceled Hitler stamp I found that one time, but less freighted with meaning.
Not as weird as the postcard with the canceled Hitler stamp I found that one time, but less freighted with meaning.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
pelf promotion
The august LA Times reviews the revival of Terminus Americana.
I saw the original Lodestone production and the play is a corker.
I saw the original Lodestone production and the play is a corker.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
true customer tales
A leathery, oversunned gal with comically fake breasts & her boyfriend buy a couple of kids books.
me: would you like a bag?
gal: Uh....
pauses, looks a boyfriend who is laden with more bags than a Grand Canyon pack mule, looks back at me, looks back at boyfriend
....yeah!
me: would you like a bag?
gal: Uh....
pauses, looks a boyfriend who is laden with more bags than a Grand Canyon pack mule, looks back at me, looks back at boyfriend
....yeah!
no wise man ever wished to be younger
The party went well- enough guests to man the oars, not so many that it started taking on water. Fuss was his usual charming self until bed time, then melted down. Before the collapse he 'opened' his gifts & scored some fantastic loot (right now his most favoritist is the light up bath duck from Erin & Mikesy).
The spread was an unqualified success. The guests loved it and I was mostly satisfied, which isn't often the case. Meggsie made hummus that somehow destroyed my blender, cousin Helen brought over a gargantuan bowl of the bulger salad I love (and which I'm looking forward to making a dinner of), Uncle Timmy brought my chicken kebabs to life on the grill and Devra's cake evoked startled admiration from all who partook. The surprise hit were the roasted potatoes with garlic, feta & olives I added at the last minute.
Dirt simple for how delicious they were, the hallmark of all my favorite recipes.
Loyal readers may remember the $5 thrift store typewriter I scored a while back. Turns out messing around with an old typewriter is the only thing a pack of kids loves more than watching Shrek for the 5,000th time. I lobbed a couple of sheets of computer paper into the lion's den and they did the rest, with only occasional troubleshooting from Cousin Helen.
The down side of parenthood reared its head around 9pm.
When the grownup action started to hit its stride I was fading like Rudy Giuliani in the Republican primary.
In a show of defiance I held out until 10pm, propped up in the big armchair and declaiming witty bon mots like "Uhhhhhh......yeah" and "What? Huh?"
But it was a lot of fun and I'm sure I'll be able to juice it for another couple of updates at least. Pix to follow.
The spread was an unqualified success. The guests loved it and I was mostly satisfied, which isn't often the case. Meggsie made hummus that somehow destroyed my blender, cousin Helen brought over a gargantuan bowl of the bulger salad I love (and which I'm looking forward to making a dinner of), Uncle Timmy brought my chicken kebabs to life on the grill and Devra's cake evoked startled admiration from all who partook. The surprise hit were the roasted potatoes with garlic, feta & olives I added at the last minute.
Dirt simple for how delicious they were, the hallmark of all my favorite recipes.
Loyal readers may remember the $5 thrift store typewriter I scored a while back. Turns out messing around with an old typewriter is the only thing a pack of kids loves more than watching Shrek for the 5,000th time. I lobbed a couple of sheets of computer paper into the lion's den and they did the rest, with only occasional troubleshooting from Cousin Helen.
The down side of parenthood reared its head around 9pm.
When the grownup action started to hit its stride I was fading like Rudy Giuliani in the Republican primary.
In a show of defiance I held out until 10pm, propped up in the big armchair and declaiming witty bon mots like "Uhhhhhh......yeah" and "What? Huh?"
But it was a lot of fun and I'm sure I'll be able to juice it for another couple of updates at least. Pix to follow.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Fuss of July
Today is Eamonn's birthday.
The past year has seemed both instantaneous and eternal.
one year ago
a few days ago
The past year has seemed both instantaneous and eternal.
one year ago
a few days ago
Monday, July 20, 2009
today's literary fact
Vladimir Nabokov taught boxing & tennis in Berlin after flipping Lenin the bird.
alarming
One of the less comforting visions you can have while hauling a basket of laundry up the stairs to the back deck is a half-naked, poop-smeared child charging out the sliding glass door, arms a-wave, laughing maniacally & pursued by a harried mother trailing a cloud of wipes like monochrome New Year's confetti.
true customer tales
older lady, on phone:
Are you a religious bookstore?
me:
No.
Lady:
Oh good, then I can ask you this question!
Do you have any...naughty limericks?
Alas, we did not.
Are you a religious bookstore?
me:
No.
Lady:
Oh good, then I can ask you this question!
Do you have any...naughty limericks?
Alas, we did not.
true customer tales
I don't remember if I posted about the nut who threatened my life after I kicked him out of the store for gibbering at paying customers, but if not, that's what happened.
He strolled back in a few days later, playing dumb.
When I told him to vacate he lost his shit, ranting about how "his people" were going to "take care" of me. I backed him out the door with a hammer & called the cops, who stopped him outside and told him to stay away or else.
So every couple of weeks he wanders by and asks if he can come in, and I say "no". The game has been pretending not to know why he's being persecuted so I have to remind him about the police, and the hammer.
He just swung by for his bi-annual visit, but with a twist.
I sent him on his way as usual, but he reappeared a few minutes later, saying
"I'm sorry for what happened when I was off my meds."
Shouldn't I get some kind of retail merit badge for that?
He strolled back in a few days later, playing dumb.
When I told him to vacate he lost his shit, ranting about how "his people" were going to "take care" of me. I backed him out the door with a hammer & called the cops, who stopped him outside and told him to stay away or else.
So every couple of weeks he wanders by and asks if he can come in, and I say "no". The game has been pretending not to know why he's being persecuted so I have to remind him about the police, and the hammer.
He just swung by for his bi-annual visit, but with a twist.
I sent him on his way as usual, but he reappeared a few minutes later, saying
"I'm sorry for what happened when I was off my meds."
Shouldn't I get some kind of retail merit badge for that?
today's petty whine
Why WHY must the wife crank the speakers to maximum volume instead of just unplugging the headphones from the conveniently placed jack!
Yes, I realize I married a Luddite....but come on now!
Yes, I realize I married a Luddite....but come on now!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
True Customer Tales
Lady in car, slightly desperate sounding, to a gal in the doorway:
Excuse me! Excuse me! Can you tell me where there's McDonalds, or a Burger King, or a WENDYS anywhere around here!
gal in doorway:
Ah, no...
Lady in car:
Oh so you're not from around here either!
Gal:
No, I live here, we just don't have those downtow...
Lady in car:
THERE'S NOPLACE WITH A DRIVE THROUGH?!
Gal:
Nope!
Lady in car emits strangled groan and speeds off
Excuse me! Excuse me! Can you tell me where there's McDonalds, or a Burger King, or a WENDYS anywhere around here!
gal in doorway:
Ah, no...
Lady in car:
Oh so you're not from around here either!
Gal:
No, I live here, we just don't have those downtow...
Lady in car:
THERE'S NOPLACE WITH A DRIVE THROUGH?!
Gal:
Nope!
Lady in car emits strangled groan and speeds off
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
retro video: Oingo Boingo
Live, baby!
I picked up Nothing To Fear the day it came out, took it home and listened to it then called up Pelf and played Grey Matter to him over the phone.
Ah, prehistory!
I picked up Nothing To Fear the day it came out, took it home and listened to it then called up Pelf and played Grey Matter to him over the phone.
Ah, prehistory!
Monday, July 13, 2009
True Customer Tales
Guy at counter, to his friend:
"I was thinking about getting into English history...but....there's just sooo much of it."
"I was thinking about getting into English history...but....there's just sooo much of it."
Sunday, July 12, 2009
True Customer Tales
Austrailian family buying a book.
Me: Need a bag?
Guy, pointing thumb over shoulder: Naw, I got me wife!
While thumbing through his wallet for payment:
Gawd, all the damn money looks the same!
Wife, while digging for coins:
I have a lot of them, I just don't know what they are!
Me: Need a bag?
Guy, pointing thumb over shoulder: Naw, I got me wife!
While thumbing through his wallet for payment:
Gawd, all the damn money looks the same!
Wife, while digging for coins:
I have a lot of them, I just don't know what they are!
True Customer Tales
Dad, young brother and sister enter store.
Dad:
Do you know what time it is?
Me, looking at clock:
Quarter to three.
Dad:
Thanks.
Boy, yelling:
WHY IS IT SO QUIET IN HERE!
Girl, sarcastic:
Cuz it's a bookstore, dumbshit!
Boy:
Dad, she said a dirty word!
Dad, distractedly leafing through display book:
Yeah, I know.
Girl:
DAD LET'S GO, I don't want to be caught dead in a bookstore!
Dad:
Do you know what time it is?
Me, looking at clock:
Quarter to three.
Dad:
Thanks.
Boy, yelling:
WHY IS IT SO QUIET IN HERE!
Girl, sarcastic:
Cuz it's a bookstore, dumbshit!
Boy:
Dad, she said a dirty word!
Dad, distractedly leafing through display book:
Yeah, I know.
Girl:
DAD LET'S GO, I don't want to be caught dead in a bookstore!
Friday, July 10, 2009
addenda
In the previous post, "HEY LADY" should be read in the style of the young Jerry Lewis.
Apologies for the late stage directions.
Apologies for the late stage directions.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
the silent scream
Hey lady, STOP STANDING IN THE DOORWAY GIVING THE STINKY, OBVIOUSLY CRAZY HOMELESS PERSON CONVERSATIONAL OPENINGS.
Some people are absolutely accomplices in their own mook-ing.
Some people are absolutely accomplices in their own mook-ing.
True Customer Tales- bags and bags
mother and daughter, daughter buying a tall stack of Louis L'Amour westerns.
me: would you like a bag?
daughter: Yeah.
mom: why don't you just put them in your bag?
daughter, exasperated: because I want another bag to put in my bag!
I should compile an oral history of the question would you like a bag?
me: would you like a bag?
daughter: Yeah.
mom: why don't you just put them in your bag?
daughter, exasperated: because I want another bag to put in my bag!
I should compile an oral history of the question would you like a bag?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Robert McNamara 1916-2009
"The architect of the Vietnam war" is a tough headline to go out on.
Seeing things as we'd like them to be instead of how they really is a lovely pile of leaves heaped over a wire snare. It'd be easy enough for someone to craft a modern Grimm's Fairy Tale from McNamara's legacy.
Although maybe Errol Morris already did.
Seeing things as we'd like them to be instead of how they really is a lovely pile of leaves heaped over a wire snare. It'd be easy enough for someone to craft a modern Grimm's Fairy Tale from McNamara's legacy.
Although maybe Errol Morris already did.
True Customer Tales- a new low
There's a guy with a room temperature IQ and poor personal hygiene who mostly preys on the sale cart. Occasional detours to the new arrivals table yield just enough sales to qualify him as a 'customer', granting him greater forbearance than I accord the usual run of demi-homeless browser.
Today he tested that tolerance by proffering a quarter with a penny welded to its surface by some unidentifiable food-like substance to cover his twenty six cent sales tax.
I gave him an "are you serious" look before totaling out and flipping it into the trash.
Today he tested that tolerance by proffering a quarter with a penny welded to its surface by some unidentifiable food-like substance to cover his twenty six cent sales tax.
I gave him an "are you serious" look before totaling out and flipping it into the trash.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
parenting
Father's Day was a little weird for me, not having had a usable one past the first few years of my life.
I watch the Fuss going about his business- staring at birds out the window, field testing the edibility of a coffee cup, waving a valuable New York World's Fair program over his head while I chase him down the hall, smiling at me from his high chair- and I wonder he could just walk through the net of those connections, leaving behind little besides the scent of cigar ash and an unbroken record of picking me up late from preschool.
Uncle Timmy once considered the stark differences between he & the wife's Dickensian upbringing with the Fiend's life of leisure, asking straight faced "is it because we weren't as beautiful as she is?" Nonsense of course. Our children are as we were.
But that is the impulse- to always blame ourselves for the failures of our parents. Because God must be perfect.
The alternative is unthinkable- or at least, unthinkable without a whole lot of therapy.
And that is the terror of parenthood.
I suppose it could cause someone to flee, or break under the pressure. Or go mad with the power.
It is a narrow trail to follow, with hazards on every side and little in the way of guidance.
But then at the end your child gets to be who they are, not what you made them.
I much prefer thinking of myself as the caretaker for this amazing being, rather than its master.
I watch the Fuss going about his business- staring at birds out the window, field testing the edibility of a coffee cup, waving a valuable New York World's Fair program over his head while I chase him down the hall, smiling at me from his high chair- and I wonder he could just walk through the net of those connections, leaving behind little besides the scent of cigar ash and an unbroken record of picking me up late from preschool.
Uncle Timmy once considered the stark differences between he & the wife's Dickensian upbringing with the Fiend's life of leisure, asking straight faced "is it because we weren't as beautiful as she is?" Nonsense of course. Our children are as we were.
But that is the impulse- to always blame ourselves for the failures of our parents. Because God must be perfect.
The alternative is unthinkable- or at least, unthinkable without a whole lot of therapy.
And that is the terror of parenthood.
I suppose it could cause someone to flee, or break under the pressure. Or go mad with the power.
It is a narrow trail to follow, with hazards on every side and little in the way of guidance.
But then at the end your child gets to be who they are, not what you made them.
I much prefer thinking of myself as the caretaker for this amazing being, rather than its master.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
True Customer Tales- Sale Cart Edition
transient #1, to his friend:
If I buy this will you read it?
transient #2:
no.
transient #1:
Charles Moon's Mescalaero Mask? You're not gonna read that?
transient #2:
no.
If I buy this will you read it?
transient #2:
no.
transient #1:
Charles Moon's Mescalaero Mask? You're not gonna read that?
transient #2:
no.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
True Customer Tales
alterna-gal discussing the merits of a pocket book with her aging hipster boyfriend:
Well.....it's got a dragon on the cover, that's really the only reason I like it.
Friday, June 26, 2009
contest over
Devra wins the who's name will the Fuss say first contest.
I asked the Wife who she was calling this morning, she answered "Devra" and the fuss echoed her with "Dea-duh", then did it a few more times.
Unofficial vocab list in rough order of appearance:
Dada
Dog
Bird
Done
Banana
Mama
Devra
I asked the Wife who she was calling this morning, she answered "Devra" and the fuss echoed her with "Dea-duh", then did it a few more times.
Unofficial vocab list in rough order of appearance:
Dada
Dog
Bird
Done
Banana
Mama
Devra
bounty
two stars of this week's organic produce haul- purple potatoes & red onions.
These random assortments have turned Thursdays into a weekly holiday, with gifts to open and a celebratory dinner.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
preparedness
The Wife reports this is the morning beverage of choice for Italian children.
When they reach the appropriate age, ten or eleven, they're transitioned to the hard stuff- straight coffee.
As I sat in the big chair huffing from a freshly opened pound of Peet's, this approach seemed fine and right.
Our crow was back on the deck earlier, yelling at its friends.
Fuss was mesmerized.
"Le Corbeau," the Wife croaked from her nest on the floor, built to shield us from a late night coughing fit.
Last time it was hummingbirds and blue jays.
What do crows portend?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Thrift SCORE
picked up a really nice old Royal typewriter for five bucks.
works like a charm, pix will follow.
works like a charm, pix will follow.
Monday, June 22, 2009
worst jewelry I've ever seen
a middle aged dude, late 40's early 50's, with a good amount of graying ear hair, had a GOLDEN SPERM EAR STUD.
It inspired a genuine double-take as I was ringing him up.
"Bah.....WHUUUUUUUUH?"
It inspired a genuine double-take as I was ringing him up.
"Bah.....WHUUUUUUUUH?"
note to future self
You stopped wearing tee shirts with graphics to work because they compel weirdos to comment.
weirdo #1: uh where'd ya git that sheeirt?
me: the internet.
weirdo #2: whadda ya think that is, on yer shirt?
me: your guess is as good as mine.
w. #2: It looks sorta like a pig, but then it doesn't....and the gal looks sorta like Batwoman, but sorta doesn't.
me: Uh.
weirdo #1: uh where'd ya git that sheeirt?
me: the internet.
weirdo #2: whadda ya think that is, on yer shirt?
me: your guess is as good as mine.
w. #2: It looks sorta like a pig, but then it doesn't....and the gal looks sorta like Batwoman, but sorta doesn't.
me: Uh.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
restaurant review: Petra
Our new favorite spot for gyros and schwarma is right next door to our previous favorite, Jaffa Cafe.
I think originally they were a cooperative- I've seen one of the original Jaffa guys in the Petra kitchen. But some sort of falling out generated a cryptic enmity between the two factions.
The core menu items are similar, except that Petra offers pizzas (which I have yet to try).
But Petra has an ace up their sleeve- they bake their own pita bread.
Comparing fresh baked pita to the thin, cardboard-y junk you get at the supermarket (or Jaffa) is like comparing Gericault's original Raft of the Medusa to a postcard from the gift shop.
Jaffa does have better hummus.
But Petra's pita (and by extension their sandwiches & schwarma plates) are unbeatable.
I think originally they were a cooperative- I've seen one of the original Jaffa guys in the Petra kitchen. But some sort of falling out generated a cryptic enmity between the two factions.
The core menu items are similar, except that Petra offers pizzas (which I have yet to try).
But Petra has an ace up their sleeve- they bake their own pita bread.
Comparing fresh baked pita to the thin, cardboard-y junk you get at the supermarket (or Jaffa) is like comparing Gericault's original Raft of the Medusa to a postcard from the gift shop.
Jaffa does have better hummus.
But Petra's pita (and by extension their sandwiches & schwarma plates) are unbeatable.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
moar customers
From an older fellow purchasing a copy of Nevil Shute's A Town Like Alice for a rafting trip, the best response ever to "would you like a bag":
No thanks, I have a truck!
title(s) of the week
A pair from the recent flood of vampire romance swamping the market:
Last Vampire Standing
&
La Vida Vampire
by Nancy Haddock.
Last Vampire Standing
&
La Vida Vampire
by Nancy Haddock.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
best health care system in the world
this is what happened to my mom.
But hey, at least we're not SOCIALIST like every other industrialized nation on earth, right?
Any health care system that relies on capitalism and the 'free' market to give a shit about something besides the bottom line is doomed to fail.
An investigation by the House Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations showed that health insurers WellPoint Inc., UnitedHealth Group and Assurant Inc. canceled the coverage of more than 20,000 people, allowing the companies to avoid paying more than $300 million in medical claims over a five-year period.
It also found that policyholders with breast cancer, lymphoma and more than 1,000 other conditions were targeted for rescission and that employees were praised in performance reviews for terminating the policies of customers with expensive illnesses.
But hey, at least we're not SOCIALIST like every other industrialized nation on earth, right?
Any health care system that relies on capitalism and the 'free' market to give a shit about something besides the bottom line is doomed to fail.
bunch of great new pics on Flickr
Check 'em out!
Great if you're obsessed with the Fuss, that is.
And don't mind my grizzled visage making a pre-morning ablutions appearance.
And just for June, here I am modeling one of my sweet new shirts.
Great if you're obsessed with the Fuss, that is.
And don't mind my grizzled visage making a pre-morning ablutions appearance.
And just for June, here I am modeling one of my sweet new shirts.
progress report
Fuss has taken his walking to the next level.
Not content to merely wander across rooms or down hallways, he's started charging around while waving his arms over his head like a monkey. Alternatively, he'll take a stroll waiving some relatively heavy impliment in the air with one hand- his metal harmonium top, or the wife's new copy of War & Peace by the good translators.
Plain walking isn't enough of a challenge, he's got to up the degree of difficulty.
Also, yesterday he said 'banana'.
I got a couple of repetitions to confirm the evidence of my ears.
First time around it sounded like "guh-nuh-nuh".
Following some banana waving and encouragement from me, he reprised it as
"Nah-nah".
Smart boy!
/edit
To underscore the point, moments after posting Fuss reared up and demanded breakfast by shouting "NAH-NAH!" at me.
Not content to merely wander across rooms or down hallways, he's started charging around while waving his arms over his head like a monkey. Alternatively, he'll take a stroll waiving some relatively heavy impliment in the air with one hand- his metal harmonium top, or the wife's new copy of War & Peace by the good translators.
Plain walking isn't enough of a challenge, he's got to up the degree of difficulty.
Also, yesterday he said 'banana'.
I got a couple of repetitions to confirm the evidence of my ears.
First time around it sounded like "guh-nuh-nuh".
Following some banana waving and encouragement from me, he reprised it as
"Nah-nah".
Smart boy!
/edit
To underscore the point, moments after posting Fuss reared up and demanded breakfast by shouting "NAH-NAH!" at me.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Title of the Week
ALL GOD'S CHILLUN GOT GUNS by Jed Cross
subtitle
subtitle
A white man.
A black man.
Two gunfighters against the world!
Monday, June 15, 2009
tees have arrived
All look way cooler than expected, plus the shirts themselves are super soft and high quality. The softness has me preparing defenses against inevitable predatory advances by the wife.
Watch Flickr for hot modeling shots.
Happy customer, will order again!
Watch Flickr for hot modeling shots.
Happy customer, will order again!
true customer tales SALLY EDITION
(technically I guess this belongs under the heading true ex-employee tales)
Sally paid a visit and introduced her kids on the way out the door.
The Girl, describing her brother The Boy:
Sally paid a visit and introduced her kids on the way out the door.
The Girl, describing her brother The Boy:
He's a scientist....a boy scientist.
True Customer Tales
white trash mom to her misbehaving young son with a shaved head:
JOHNATHAN RAY, DON'T MAKE ME GET THE BOARD!
HELL BABY
I don't know what's up with Fuss the last couple of days, but he's reverted to night terror status, waking up howling every hour or so. I'm assuming it's his teeth- they've started emerging in earnest, like a white picket fence sprouting organically from pink bubblegum soil.
Whatever the cause, it is an unwelcome flashback.
I've brokered a shaky truce with the 'early to rise' section of the parental bargain, but it's easier to enforce when the relentless screaming machine that is my son hasn't spent the night segmenting my sleep like links of sausage.
Whatever the cause, it is an unwelcome flashback.
I've brokered a shaky truce with the 'early to rise' section of the parental bargain, but it's easier to enforce when the relentless screaming machine that is my son hasn't spent the night segmenting my sleep like links of sausage.
retail prognosis
Borders is going to eat it.
The stock levels of the local box are horribly depleted and the store had even fewer employees than usual- which is saying something, given their traditionally spartan staffing levels.
The SF section was running about half its usual stock levels, and they'd tried to camouflage it by shrinking it down to one aisle from three and facing out a ton of stuff to make the expanded romance section look populated.
Their DVDs were even more picked over.
When a retail chain's stock starts looking obviously picked over, the writing is on the wall.
The stock levels of the local box are horribly depleted and the store had even fewer employees than usual- which is saying something, given their traditionally spartan staffing levels.
The SF section was running about half its usual stock levels, and they'd tried to camouflage it by shrinking it down to one aisle from three and facing out a ton of stuff to make the expanded romance section look populated.
Their DVDs were even more picked over.
When a retail chain's stock starts looking obviously picked over, the writing is on the wall.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
HE-shirts
Last week I wandered into the middle of a big $5 tee-shirt sale over at Threadless.
Longtime browser, first time buyer, as they used to say in the letters pages.
My tee shirts fall into two broad categories, Artifacts Of A Young Comic Geek and Boring Solid Colors from the Gap Sale Rack
Group A is older than hell and has been mostly co-opted by the wife. She loves anything soft, and it doesn't get much softer than a 15 year old tee shirt. Seeing her wandering around in a gory vintage Hard Boiled or Sin City tee amuses my inner nerd and confuses most everyone else, but once she claims a shirt it's out of circulation- "what are you doing wearing my shirt?" becomes the operative phrase. So Group A has shrunk dramatically over the years.
Group B doesn't inspire much enthusiasm- I mean, they're there when you need something to wear, but I never come across one in the drawer and think "Fun! This one's perfect for today!".
Threadless splits the sartorial difference between a closet full of longboxes & memorabilia and a generic air conditioned cube.
These lovelies should be arriving monday:
Longtime browser, first time buyer, as they used to say in the letters pages.
My tee shirts fall into two broad categories, Artifacts Of A Young Comic Geek and Boring Solid Colors from the Gap Sale Rack
Group A is older than hell and has been mostly co-opted by the wife. She loves anything soft, and it doesn't get much softer than a 15 year old tee shirt. Seeing her wandering around in a gory vintage Hard Boiled or Sin City tee amuses my inner nerd and confuses most everyone else, but once she claims a shirt it's out of circulation- "what are you doing wearing my shirt?" becomes the operative phrase. So Group A has shrunk dramatically over the years.
Group B doesn't inspire much enthusiasm- I mean, they're there when you need something to wear, but I never come across one in the drawer and think "Fun! This one's perfect for today!".
Threadless splits the sartorial difference between a closet full of longboxes & memorabilia and a generic air conditioned cube.
These lovelies should be arriving monday:
Friday, June 12, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Thrift SCORE
So we picked up a neat new butter knife yesterday and I noted that now we needed a neat butter tray to compliment.
Visited a tiny local thrift store to check out the books this afternoon, and voila!
Three bucks.
Can't beat that with a stick.
Visited a tiny local thrift store to check out the books this afternoon, and voila!
Three bucks.
Can't beat that with a stick.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Title of the Day
Family Circle Great Ground Beef Recipes
It also has a lovely cover, if only the scanner was working...
It also has a lovely cover, if only the scanner was working...
semi-gross memory
One of mom's boyfriends referred to ladies derrieres as "poopers".
As in, "she's got a nice tight pooper!"
*shudder*
As in, "she's got a nice tight pooper!"
*shudder*
Big Brass Ones
I rarely answer the phone but I picked up the other day because Fuss was napping and I didn't know where the machine's volume was set.
It was a slick fellow from some house painting company that had given mom an estimate. When he asked if she was available (hah!) I took a page from the wife's book and said "No, she died last year. This is her son".
This only briefly threw him off script and moments later he was delivering a full-throated sales pitch, like a racehorse swiftly recapturing their form after some jostling out of the gate.
I listened in slack-jawed amazement.
Capitalism writ large, ladies and gentlemen.
He wasn't as objectively disgusting as the many predators that descended because she died, but for some reason I found his cheery obliviousness more depressing.
It was a slick fellow from some house painting company that had given mom an estimate. When he asked if she was available (hah!) I took a page from the wife's book and said "No, she died last year. This is her son".
This only briefly threw him off script and moments later he was delivering a full-throated sales pitch, like a racehorse swiftly recapturing their form after some jostling out of the gate.
I listened in slack-jawed amazement.
Capitalism writ large, ladies and gentlemen.
He wasn't as objectively disgusting as the many predators that descended because she died, but for some reason I found his cheery obliviousness more depressing.
Monday, June 8, 2009
true customer tales: crazy as a loon edition
obviously crazy lady wanders up to counter.
crazy lady:
I REALLY need to use a phone man. I REALLY need to know where a phone booth is.
me (wishfully thinking that being helpful will stave off the insanity):
There's one at the Chamber of Commerce- down the street til you hit the mission, turn left about half a block.
crazy lady:
I been looking for a phone booth ALL DAY man, I really need a PHONE BOOTH.
me:
-repeats directions-
crazy lady, looking desperate:
-looks at ceiling and half-yells something incomprehensible-
me:
-goes back to pricing books and ignoring her-
crazy lady wanders halfway to door, turns around and says in a snotty little kid's voice:
So I just go down to the mission, then turn left and then fall in love, RIGHT?
Me, in my stern voice:
You need to leave. Right now.
crazy lady:
But I don't know the ADDRESS, I been looking for the chamber of commerce all day!
Me, pointing at door:
I don't know what their address is and I've already given you directions twice.
crazy lady, backing away:
Alright man, alright man...GOD BLESS!
crazy lady:
I REALLY need to use a phone man. I REALLY need to know where a phone booth is.
me (wishfully thinking that being helpful will stave off the insanity):
There's one at the Chamber of Commerce- down the street til you hit the mission, turn left about half a block.
crazy lady:
I been looking for a phone booth ALL DAY man, I really need a PHONE BOOTH.
me:
-repeats directions-
crazy lady, looking desperate:
-looks at ceiling and half-yells something incomprehensible-
me:
-goes back to pricing books and ignoring her-
crazy lady wanders halfway to door, turns around and says in a snotty little kid's voice:
So I just go down to the mission, then turn left and then fall in love, RIGHT?
Me, in my stern voice:
You need to leave. Right now.
crazy lady:
But I don't know the ADDRESS, I been looking for the chamber of commerce all day!
Me, pointing at door:
I don't know what their address is and I've already given you directions twice.
crazy lady, backing away:
Alright man, alright man...GOD BLESS!
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