I've been balancing out my high-minded exploration of the Korean cinematic renaissance with a thoroughly proletarian binge of mainstream exploitation films.
I've been thoroughly disenchanted by what passes for 'exploitation' in mainstream Hollywood for quite a while. Having grown up amidst the glittering spires of Hollywood's golden age of exploitation, before it was levelled by the home video tsunami, modern offerings generally leave me cold.
This one was no exception.
In spite of a can't miss 'high concept' plot (vampires vs werewolves in a global battle for nighttime supremacy!), some good-on-paper casting (Kate Bekinsdale, Bill Nighey) and some nifty special effects this one mostly fell flat on its face.
Kate was put in an acting straight jacket, not allowed to do anything besides stare at the action with brooding petulance from behind greasy black bangs. This kind of schtick works best with limited actors- think Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction. It seems something of a crime to inflict those kinds of restrictions on a talented actress.
Also, it wouldn't hurt a bit if she ate a sandwitch or two.
And Bill Nighey was both the high point and the downfall of the flim.
It was an example of absolutely disasterous casting- he brought such flawlessly graceful majesty to the role of the elder uber-vampire lord that he made the rest of the indifferent cast look like Our Gang rejects who'd decided to put on a show in the old vacant lot.
And that's not even adressing the legion of gaping, oozing holes in the badly concieved script.
A note on the werewolves:
It's pathetic that they couldn't outperform the transformation scenes from 1981'sThe Howling with a big effects budget and computer technology. PATHETIC.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Bourdain on Beirut
clicky clicky.
He's a fine writer and his scathingly accurate expose on resturaunt life Kitchen Confidential should be required reading for every adult in America.
He's a fine writer and his scathingly accurate expose on resturaunt life Kitchen Confidential should be required reading for every adult in America.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Zombie Plate Special
It's Undead Double Feature Friday at the Secret Garden tonight.
First up was the capstone to Romero's zombie zigguraut, Land of the Dead.
Reaction to this one among the Zomberati ranged from profoundly negative to red hot affronted rage that it dared trace its lineage to Night of the Living Dead & Dawn of the Dead.
I'm going to draw fire from my compatriots by saying I thought it was fine.
It wasn't a great movie, no Night or Dawn certainly, but I'd rank it with Day of the Dead- an interesting film with some problems that could have been solved by better casting and a few more re-writes.
The first two in the series are genuinely great because they worked on multiple levels- as straight-ahead horror movies and on a metaphorical level as indictments of contemporary society.
Land is only modestly successful as a horror movie- it was missing much of the verve and humor that fueled Romero's earlier works. But it works just fine as a scathing indictment of post-millenial American culture.
Where Dawn feasted on the soft underbelly of consumer culture, Land addresses the increasing disparity between the average citizen and the corporate elites who increasingly run the country.
Seen only as a 'zombie movie' I'd call it a modest failure- it wasn't particularly scary, and the carnage wasn't up to the high standards of earlier installments.
But I still rate it as a good watch.
Just use this decoder ring:
Next up is the recent remake of Day of the Dead, which the Zomberati have all given their stamp of approval and which I'm predisposed to dislike based on my deeply held belief that there's no point in re-making a truly great movie.
Will report back later.
Hey, that was pretty good!
I still don't know why anyone needs to remake a great flick, but at least they did it with energy and style. It pretty much pitched the depth of the original overboard and made up the lost ballast with action and explosions, which certainly have their place in the Zombie firmament.
It also had the things Land was missing, in spades...a well polished script, quality acting top to bottom and a couple of standout scenes including a fabulous pre-credit sequence that set up the senario in compact strokes, setting the stage without taking forfuckingever to explain every goddamn thing under the sun.
On the Zombometer I'd rank it just below the elite, above the well made but flawed 28 Days but below creme de la creme like Night, Dawn and Shawn of the Dead (which has the singular honor of being the only zombie movie the wife enjoyed as much as I did).
First up was the capstone to Romero's zombie zigguraut, Land of the Dead.
Reaction to this one among the Zomberati ranged from profoundly negative to red hot affronted rage that it dared trace its lineage to Night of the Living Dead & Dawn of the Dead.
I'm going to draw fire from my compatriots by saying I thought it was fine.
It wasn't a great movie, no Night or Dawn certainly, but I'd rank it with Day of the Dead- an interesting film with some problems that could have been solved by better casting and a few more re-writes.
The first two in the series are genuinely great because they worked on multiple levels- as straight-ahead horror movies and on a metaphorical level as indictments of contemporary society.
Land is only modestly successful as a horror movie- it was missing much of the verve and humor that fueled Romero's earlier works. But it works just fine as a scathing indictment of post-millenial American culture.
Where Dawn feasted on the soft underbelly of consumer culture, Land addresses the increasing disparity between the average citizen and the corporate elites who increasingly run the country.
Seen only as a 'zombie movie' I'd call it a modest failure- it wasn't particularly scary, and the carnage wasn't up to the high standards of earlier installments.
But I still rate it as a good watch.
Just use this decoder ring:
zombies = underclass
humans = middle class
corporate overlords = corporate overlords
Next up is the recent remake of Day of the Dead, which the Zomberati have all given their stamp of approval and which I'm predisposed to dislike based on my deeply held belief that there's no point in re-making a truly great movie.
Will report back later.
Hey, that was pretty good!
I still don't know why anyone needs to remake a great flick, but at least they did it with energy and style. It pretty much pitched the depth of the original overboard and made up the lost ballast with action and explosions, which certainly have their place in the Zombie firmament.
It also had the things Land was missing, in spades...a well polished script, quality acting top to bottom and a couple of standout scenes including a fabulous pre-credit sequence that set up the senario in compact strokes, setting the stage without taking forfuckingever to explain every goddamn thing under the sun.
On the Zombometer I'd rank it just below the elite, above the well made but flawed 28 Days but below creme de la creme like Night, Dawn and Shawn of the Dead (which has the singular honor of being the only zombie movie the wife enjoyed as much as I did).
stolen content
As payback for ruining my good looks with his Korgarth link, I'm stealing the greatest musical number of all time from his blog.
the world needs to experience the wonders contained within.
the world needs to experience the wonders contained within.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Trumped by Ivanus!
finally, my first use of that blog staple "promoted from the comments"!
That takes away some of the sting of Ivan blowing my animated offering with his own, rather like the indians overruning the delusional blowhard Custer at Little Big Horn.
I swaggered onto his turf with what I thought was a mighty army at my back and he met me with a storm of tomahawks & flashing teeth that routed whatever it failed to kill outright.
In my defense, how was I supposed to know he'd discovered the Citizen Kane of barbarian cartoons?
Take pity on me, dear reader....take pity on the earless, scalped freak who's only thought was to brighten your day.
That takes away some of the sting of Ivan blowing my animated offering with his own, rather like the indians overruning the delusional blowhard Custer at Little Big Horn.
I swaggered onto his turf with what I thought was a mighty army at my back and he met me with a storm of tomahawks & flashing teeth that routed whatever it failed to kill outright.
In my defense, how was I supposed to know he'd discovered the Citizen Kane of barbarian cartoons?
Take pity on me, dear reader....take pity on the earless, scalped freak who's only thought was to brighten your day.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
attn Dango!
I've been neglecting our resident law dog the last while.
In lieu of an abject apology, behold the Meth Gun!
In lieu of an abject apology, behold the Meth Gun!
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