A bumper crop today.
Five-ish year old boy holding a book, to his mom:
There are so many BOOKS!
*winds up and pitches book at the wall*
Monday, June 1, 2009
GRATZ to PELF
via email:
Wee Diego evens out the domestic karma of clan Pelfrey, joining his father to balance out sister Paloma and mother Alicia.
His name was inspired by Diego 'Chico' Corrales, the victorious boxer in the greatest lightweight title fight of all time.
Best to the fam, and I demand PIX!
Pelf Spawned...again
Diego Pelfrey, 6 pounds, 5 of that pure NUTS.
5-25-09, 7am
Wee Diego evens out the domestic karma of clan Pelfrey, joining his father to balance out sister Paloma and mother Alicia.
His name was inspired by Diego 'Chico' Corrales, the victorious boxer in the greatest lightweight title fight of all time.
Best to the fam, and I demand PIX!
true customer tales: SALE CART edition
alterna-dude wanders up with a couple of quarter books.
"That'll be fifty-four cents."
He proffers a debit card, sort of half-heartedly, like even he knows how ridiculous it is.
"Do you guys take....."
"For fifty cents? No, we don't. Would you like me to hold those for you?"
Happy ending:
He bummed a buck off his girlfriend and was able to take his men's adventure novels home after all.
"That'll be fifty-four cents."
He proffers a debit card, sort of half-heartedly, like even he knows how ridiculous it is.
"Do you guys take....."
"For fifty cents? No, we don't. Would you like me to hold those for you?"
Happy ending:
He bummed a buck off his girlfriend and was able to take his men's adventure novels home after all.
true customer stories
There's a fresh crazy downtown, a rotund gal who always wears a striped red and white knit cap and giant sunglasses and totes around a bunch of junk in several white plastic grocery bags. She has a bizarre accent I can't place.
She does the thing several of them do, put stuff on hold that they never buy.
I don't know if it's wishful thinking, or an effort to look like a paying customer so you'll put up with their shit for longer. But it's a definite symptom.
She approaches the counter and I grab a stack of books to price, an ever-helpful buffer when dealing with problem shoppers.
"Excuse me, I bought a book here last week....a few weeks ago, maybe a month ago, and someone stole it."
"Mmmm."
"I was wondering, do you have another copy?"
"If we did it'd be in the same section as the one you picked up."
"Oh, okay."
She wanders off.
But I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.
The book was just a claim on her real target, my time and attention.
A few minutes later, she's back.
"Excuse me, but it was on that table over there?" Gesturing at the new arrivals table.
"That's for new arrivals, we file books off the table into their sections. Do you know the subject?"
"Uh...contemporary?"
"Contemporary what? Is it a novel, is it about construction, what?"
"Nonfiction?"
"Okay, that's ninety percent of the store. Can you narrow it down any more?"
"Uhm, events? Contemporary events?"
"That might go upstairs with history."
"I can't walk up the stairs."
"Oh well, sorry."
*back to pricing books*
This one, I didn't feel bad about.
She does the thing several of them do, put stuff on hold that they never buy.
I don't know if it's wishful thinking, or an effort to look like a paying customer so you'll put up with their shit for longer. But it's a definite symptom.
She approaches the counter and I grab a stack of books to price, an ever-helpful buffer when dealing with problem shoppers.
"Excuse me, I bought a book here last week....a few weeks ago, maybe a month ago, and someone stole it."
"Mmmm."
"I was wondering, do you have another copy?"
"If we did it'd be in the same section as the one you picked up."
"Oh, okay."
She wanders off.
But I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.
The book was just a claim on her real target, my time and attention.
A few minutes later, she's back.
"Excuse me, but it was on that table over there?" Gesturing at the new arrivals table.
"That's for new arrivals, we file books off the table into their sections. Do you know the subject?"
"Uh...contemporary?"
"Contemporary what? Is it a novel, is it about construction, what?"
"Nonfiction?"
"Okay, that's ninety percent of the store. Can you narrow it down any more?"
"Uhm, events? Contemporary events?"
"That might go upstairs with history."
"I can't walk up the stairs."
"Oh well, sorry."
*back to pricing books*
This one, I didn't feel bad about.
Choose your poison
Attention NERD BOYS:
You can get away with an ill-fitting naval orange V-neck tee shirt.
You can get away with a patchy, neo-homeless adolescent beard.
You can get away with a greasy mop of unwashed hair that looks like you cut it with your eyes closed using pinking shears.
You can get away with oversized Buddy Holly glasses that look like they came from a novelty shop.
You can even get away with dirty Muffin Top jeans that accentuate your jelly-roll midriff.
You CANNOT get away with all of them at once.
You can get away with an ill-fitting naval orange V-neck tee shirt.
You can get away with a patchy, neo-homeless adolescent beard.
You can get away with a greasy mop of unwashed hair that looks like you cut it with your eyes closed using pinking shears.
You can get away with oversized Buddy Holly glasses that look like they came from a novelty shop.
You can even get away with dirty Muffin Top jeans that accentuate your jelly-roll midriff.
You CANNOT get away with all of them at once.
true customer tales
A vociferous homeless dude, cleaner than most, seeks me out in the stacks.
"Hey man, I'm homeless and I only have a dollar. The library's closed today. Do you have any books for a dollar?"
"There's a dollar cart inside the door."
"Nah, I didn't see anything on the quarter cart."
"That's outside the door- the dollar cart is inside."
"Oh! Oh man! Look at that! Oh!"
I went back to shelving as he waxed rhapsodic, his stream of consciousness trailing after me into the next room.
He scared off a couple of people with his babbling before he found a winner.
In the interest of moving him efficiently along the path of his day I asked for a dollar even, ignoring Ahnuld's share.
He insisted on tipping me with a monolog.
I responded with the sort of dead eyed disinterest only a veteran of the retail wars can muster.
"Y'know, this book is really interesting, I mean look at the size of the type- it's really big. I think that's fascinating, because he's Eastern. I bet he has a lot to say, so he had to use the big type...."
I interrupted.
"MMmmhmmm..........that'll be a dollar."
He exhibited more awareness of our interaction than I expected.
"Oh.....you're not interested."
"I've got a lot of work to do."
I feel sort of bad about it. He's got some sort of mental problem and he's desperate for human interaction, which I can sympathize with. But I'm absolutely the wrong guy to mook for your fix, having issues of my own.
"Hey man, I'm homeless and I only have a dollar. The library's closed today. Do you have any books for a dollar?"
"There's a dollar cart inside the door."
"Nah, I didn't see anything on the quarter cart."
"That's outside the door- the dollar cart is inside."
"Oh! Oh man! Look at that! Oh!"
I went back to shelving as he waxed rhapsodic, his stream of consciousness trailing after me into the next room.
He scared off a couple of people with his babbling before he found a winner.
In the interest of moving him efficiently along the path of his day I asked for a dollar even, ignoring Ahnuld's share.
He insisted on tipping me with a monolog.
I responded with the sort of dead eyed disinterest only a veteran of the retail wars can muster.
"Y'know, this book is really interesting, I mean look at the size of the type- it's really big. I think that's fascinating, because he's Eastern. I bet he has a lot to say, so he had to use the big type...."
I interrupted.
"MMmmhmmm..........that'll be a dollar."
He exhibited more awareness of our interaction than I expected.
"Oh.....you're not interested."
"I've got a lot of work to do."
I feel sort of bad about it. He's got some sort of mental problem and he's desperate for human interaction, which I can sympathize with. But I'm absolutely the wrong guy to mook for your fix, having issues of my own.
the commute
On this morning's drive I passed an old man in a dirty mechanic's jumpsuit pissing into traffic from an overpass.
Doubtless another portent of "these troubled economic times".
Doubtless another portent of "these troubled economic times".
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