The whole OMG VAMPIRES thing jumps the shark with the arrival of this gem by Kate MacAlister:
CROUCHING VAMPIRE, HIDDEN FANG
Tag line:
The honeymoon is over.....and reality bites.
And here I thought the cat mysteries and cooking mysteries had used up all the stupid pun titles.
Monday, August 31, 2009
true customer tales
An old gal has called me 5 times in the last 15 minutes asking if we buy books.
When I answer in the affirmative she asks if we buy cookbooks.
I say yes, she thanks me and hangs up.
How would Miss Manners tell her to stop effing calling?
/edit
CALL #6
old gal:
Hello, I know I've called before, but would you buy cookbooks tomorrow?
me, for the 6th time:
Yep, any day before 4pm.
old gal:
Oh, thank you!
me:
*crosses fingers*
When I answer in the affirmative she asks if we buy cookbooks.
I say yes, she thanks me and hangs up.
How would Miss Manners tell her to stop effing calling?
/edit
CALL #6
old gal:
Hello, I know I've called before, but would you buy cookbooks tomorrow?
me, for the 6th time:
Yep, any day before 4pm.
old gal:
Oh, thank you!
me:
*crosses fingers*
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
More Fuss Than Fuss is his motto
It may startle some of you to hear that the Fuss evolves apace, whether I update regularly or not. I have pictures to support this hypothesis, although they rest in digital purgatory while I figure out how to use Lightroom.. Proof will arrive one way or another- either I will conquer Lightroom, storming the bastion of its secrets with ladder and flail, or grow weary of the assault and upload the pics warts and all.
Not that the Fuss needs any digital sweetening, but I prefer to crop out the wasteland of debris we pretend is our living room when I can.
The larger he gets the more obvious & uncanny our physical similarity.
Short legs, giant butt, long torso & monkey arms.
My clone, save for the wife's feet and ears stuck on Mr. Potatohead style.
Somewhat alarmingly he's already flashing some of my character traits as well- at one year and change he's already developed a taste for ALONE TIME.
He'll start freaking out, and you put him in the pack-n-play assuming he's ready for a nap, only to find him sitting quietly looking out the window a half hour later, or hear him burbling happily over a book, or declaiming to his stuffed monkey.
And he is no longer automatically content when you pick him up. Now he wants back down, so he can pursue whatever local feature catches his attention- the neighbors cat, or their crystal peppermill, or that tray of ashes under the BBQ grill.
So instead of feeling put upon because he wants to be held 24/7 you feel put upon because you're chasing him around pissing him off by denying this or that object of momentary fascination.
I'm thinking this is the procession of childhood.
Annoyances drift into the misty past on the current of memory, their bright edges dulled by blooming patches of nostalgia, to be replaced in the moment by sparkling new annoyances which gleam for a time before drifting away in their turn.
On a long enough timeline it all transforms, I'm sure.
Glass shattering three AM screaming fits, apocalyptic diaper blowouts and Exorcist-style projectile vomiting becoming charming family anecdotes, or at worst cautionary tales for the unwary.
Not that the Fuss needs any digital sweetening, but I prefer to crop out the wasteland of debris we pretend is our living room when I can.
The larger he gets the more obvious & uncanny our physical similarity.
Short legs, giant butt, long torso & monkey arms.
My clone, save for the wife's feet and ears stuck on Mr. Potatohead style.
Somewhat alarmingly he's already flashing some of my character traits as well- at one year and change he's already developed a taste for ALONE TIME.
He'll start freaking out, and you put him in the pack-n-play assuming he's ready for a nap, only to find him sitting quietly looking out the window a half hour later, or hear him burbling happily over a book, or declaiming to his stuffed monkey.
And he is no longer automatically content when you pick him up. Now he wants back down, so he can pursue whatever local feature catches his attention- the neighbors cat, or their crystal peppermill, or that tray of ashes under the BBQ grill.
So instead of feeling put upon because he wants to be held 24/7 you feel put upon because you're chasing him around pissing him off by denying this or that object of momentary fascination.
I'm thinking this is the procession of childhood.
Annoyances drift into the misty past on the current of memory, their bright edges dulled by blooming patches of nostalgia, to be replaced in the moment by sparkling new annoyances which gleam for a time before drifting away in their turn.
On a long enough timeline it all transforms, I'm sure.
Glass shattering three AM screaming fits, apocalyptic diaper blowouts and Exorcist-style projectile vomiting becoming charming family anecdotes, or at worst cautionary tales for the unwary.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Book Psychic
gal:
I'm looking for a book, it's not a cookbook but it's about cooking?
me:
Do you know the title or author?
gal:
I'm not sure...it was like, Food Emergency or something?
me:
Kitchen Confidential?
gal, laughing:
That's it! Food Emergency...gawd!
I'm looking for a book, it's not a cookbook but it's about cooking?
me:
Do you know the title or author?
gal:
I'm not sure...it was like, Food Emergency or something?
me:
Kitchen Confidential?
gal, laughing:
That's it! Food Emergency...gawd!
food post: Roasted Chili & Tomato Salsa
Made a batch of probably my best ever salsa last night.
It was also the easiest, assuming a live BBQ- dig it:
1 medium tomato
1 smallish red & 1 smallish yellow bell pepper
2 jalapenos
1 thick slice (3/4") white onion.
handful of chopped cilantro
salt to taste
Grill all the vegetables until charred and soft.
Pull the tops off the peppers.
Dump the whole lot into a blender or food processor & puree thoroughly.
Salt to taste.
It was shockingly, outlandishly good given the humble preparation.
Now I'll be tempted to make a batch every time I fire up the grill- I wonder if it freezes worth a damn?
/edit
might as well throw in the super easy & delicious fajita/steak taco prep while I'm at it.
1 big chunk flank steak (or flap steak, they're equally tasty)
juice from 2-3 limes, depending on how much meat you've got
salt
Drizzle about half the lime juice over both sides of the steak & sprinkle well with salt.
Sear meat over the hottest part of the fire for a few minutes, then move to the edge & cook about 5 minutes per side.
Drizzle with the rest of the lime juice & let rest 10 minutes.
Cut thinly across the grain & serve with flour or corn tortillas.
It was also the easiest, assuming a live BBQ- dig it:
1 medium tomato
1 smallish red & 1 smallish yellow bell pepper
2 jalapenos
1 thick slice (3/4") white onion.
handful of chopped cilantro
salt to taste
Grill all the vegetables until charred and soft.
Pull the tops off the peppers.
Dump the whole lot into a blender or food processor & puree thoroughly.
Salt to taste.
It was shockingly, outlandishly good given the humble preparation.
Now I'll be tempted to make a batch every time I fire up the grill- I wonder if it freezes worth a damn?
/edit
might as well throw in the super easy & delicious fajita/steak taco prep while I'm at it.
1 big chunk flank steak (or flap steak, they're equally tasty)
juice from 2-3 limes, depending on how much meat you've got
salt
Drizzle about half the lime juice over both sides of the steak & sprinkle well with salt.
Sear meat over the hottest part of the fire for a few minutes, then move to the edge & cook about 5 minutes per side.
Drizzle with the rest of the lime juice & let rest 10 minutes.
Cut thinly across the grain & serve with flour or corn tortillas.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Music: MGMT
this is a neat tune.
I'm liking the current trend of bands partially digesting the 80's, copping the sounds but avoiding the sort of worshipful nostalgia it doesn't really deserve.
I'm liking the current trend of bands partially digesting the 80's, copping the sounds but avoiding the sort of worshipful nostalgia it doesn't really deserve.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
music: pains of being pure at heart
why isn't this song a hit?
Or at least known by a wider audience than music nerds who haunt the interwebs in search of new thrills.
It's catchy as hell, the lyrics are clever and it's got a fantastic sound.
Radio's the same as newspapers- they aren't dying, they're committing suicide.
Monday, August 17, 2009
True Customer Tales
Grubby kid to pig-eyed mom, pointing excitedly at our Jan Saudek print showing two partially clad ladies embracing:
Mom, that's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, MOM LOOK, that's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, isn't that UN-PROPRIATE? Look, Mom! Mom, it's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, MOM, MOM MOM MOM!
Mom ignores kid, walks out door.
Mom, that's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, MOM LOOK, that's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, isn't that UN-PROPRIATE? Look, Mom! Mom, it's UN-PROPRIATE! Mom, MOM, MOM MOM MOM!
Mom ignores kid, walks out door.
True Customer Tales
Kid, aggrieved by the dust jacket of a Harry Potter book:
Mom, can I take this case off? It's really bugging me!
Mom: No, I'm afraid not. Do you want me to tape it on like the books from the library?
Kid: Yes!
A book vandal in the very cradle!
Mom, can I take this case off? It's really bugging me!
Mom: No, I'm afraid not. Do you want me to tape it on like the books from the library?
Kid: Yes!
A book vandal in the very cradle!
Promo Line of the Year
Attached to a murky, low rent mystery entitled Death in the North Sea by John R.L. Anderson
Footnote below the author's name on the cover reads
"The Dick Francis of Boating"
quotes included.
Footnote below the author's name on the cover reads
"The Dick Francis of Boating"
quotes included.
True Customer Tales
But not random strangers this time!
Shawn & Spencer wander in to see if we're buying books. I answer in the affirmative.
Shawn: Okay Spencer, let's go.
Spencer: I want to go over here!
Shawn: Come on, help me carry the books.
Spencer, wandering off toward the kids books: Uh....no thanks!
Shawn & Spencer wander in to see if we're buying books. I answer in the affirmative.
Shawn: Okay Spencer, let's go.
Spencer: I want to go over here!
Shawn: Come on, help me carry the books.
Spencer, wandering off toward the kids books: Uh....no thanks!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
small pleasures
I'm always inordinately pleased when something I play lures one of the downtown hipsters to the counter in search of the artist's name.
Today's winner was Nia Nastasia - Run to Ruin.
They hate asking, because it means admitting the middle aged fatty in the Old Navy shirt behind the counter has something on them in the culture wars.
But as their love of the music gradually overcomes their self image, they creep closer and closer before finally breaking down.
/edit
sample track courtesy Mal
Also, just found out her drummer is the dude from Dirty Three, who I also suspect of having been the drummer for White Magic when they opened for Bonnie Prince. That makes sense, some of her tracks have the same aura of woozy dread Dirty Three can conjure up.
Today's winner was Nia Nastasia - Run to Ruin.
They hate asking, because it means admitting the middle aged fatty in the Old Navy shirt behind the counter has something on them in the culture wars.
But as their love of the music gradually overcomes their self image, they creep closer and closer before finally breaking down.
/edit
sample track courtesy Mal
Also, just found out her drummer is the dude from Dirty Three, who I also suspect of having been the drummer for White Magic when they opened for Bonnie Prince. That makes sense, some of her tracks have the same aura of woozy dread Dirty Three can conjure up.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
true customer tales
kid & mom, walking past front door.
Kid, gesturing:
I'm this close to dying, mom.
I'm this close to dying...and you don't care!
Kid, gesturing:
I'm this close to dying, mom.
I'm this close to dying...and you don't care!
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
WOW the hits keep coming!
Old couple in their 70's brings in some books for trade.
The old guy goes to browse, and his wife hangs back, leans across the counter and says something I don't quite catch, ending in "hot".
me: Mmm? The weather's hot?
lady, emphatically: You are so goddamn hot!
me: !!!!
lady: Don't forget to tell your wife I said so!
The old guy goes to browse, and his wife hangs back, leans across the counter and says something I don't quite catch, ending in "hot".
me: Mmm? The weather's hot?
lady, emphatically: You are so goddamn hot!
me: !!!!
lady: Don't forget to tell your wife I said so!
true customer tales
short balding guy:
Where do you keep your NERD books?
me:
uh...what kind?
guy:
Oh, you know, NERD books!
me:
Like? We have LOTS of nerd books.
guy:
Uh, physics?
me:
(gives directions)
/edit
same guy, asking after a bathroom:
You guys gotta bathroom?
(sotto voice) I gotta take a BIG DUMP!
me:
no, our plumbing is shot.
(gives directions to the public restroom)
guy:
Well I gotta...I gotta tell my wife...she's...(gestures).she's...AT THE VAGINA STORE, the one where I get my period every time I walk in the door!
me:
You don't say!
Where do you keep your NERD books?
me:
uh...what kind?
guy:
Oh, you know, NERD books!
me:
Like? We have LOTS of nerd books.
guy:
Uh, physics?
me:
(gives directions)
/edit
same guy, asking after a bathroom:
You guys gotta bathroom?
(sotto voice) I gotta take a BIG DUMP!
me:
no, our plumbing is shot.
(gives directions to the public restroom)
guy:
Well I gotta...I gotta tell my wife...she's...(gestures).she's...AT THE VAGINA STORE, the one where I get my period every time I walk in the door!
me:
You don't say!
Differences of Opinion
I was poking around for some quote today and stumbled across this page.
I knew in an abstract way that there were lots of translations of the Bible, and that translations can differ pretty dramatically, but seeing something like that 'in the flesh' really brings it home.
If I were the Bible Certification Board I would fine the New American Standard Bible for excluding the word "dung".
I think my favorite is from the Douay-Rheims Bible:
Dung of your solemnities sounds like something Uncle Timmy would come up with after a big glass of absinthe.
I knew in an abstract way that there were lots of translations of the Bible, and that translations can differ pretty dramatically, but seeing something like that 'in the flesh' really brings it home.
If I were the Bible Certification Board I would fine the New American Standard Bible for excluding the word "dung".
I think my favorite is from the Douay-Rheims Bible:
Behold, I will cast the shoulder to you, and I will scatter upon your face the dung of your solemnities, and it shall take you away with it.
Dung of your solemnities sounds like something Uncle Timmy would come up with after a big glass of absinthe.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
true customer tales
guy comes in to pick up a copy of Doctor Zhivago we were holding.
Guy, after I hand him the book:
OOOOOOhhh, that's thicker than I wanted! OOooooh!
me:
mmmm.
Guy, leafing through skeptically:
Well, it won the NOBEL, so it must be worth reading!
me, attempting to get in the spirit:
and they made a movie out of it!
Guy:
You ever read it?
me:
Nope. The movie was good.
Guy, setting it down and digging for his wallet:
Well, it won the NOBEL.
Guy, after I hand him the book:
OOOOOOhhh, that's thicker than I wanted! OOooooh!
me:
mmmm.
Guy, leafing through skeptically:
Well, it won the NOBEL, so it must be worth reading!
me, attempting to get in the spirit:
and they made a movie out of it!
Guy:
You ever read it?
me:
Nope. The movie was good.
Guy, setting it down and digging for his wallet:
Well, it won the NOBEL.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
slow news days
Been sick and busy the last while, sorry about the radio silence.
We hit two library sales last month and both yielded varied, delightful fruit.
The El Oh sale is cheap, long on 'stock' (good books that aren't worth selling on line- these go to the store for trade credit) and thin on net books as a percentage.
We still made out fine- bought ~10 boxes of books, listed roughly two boxes and have already sold enough to pay for the sale and generate a profit.
Yesterday was our first trip up to the Cambria sale, and I was impressed. Lots of specific, oddball stuff- prime territory for good net books. Relatively expensive- we spent the same amount on half as many books. Lots of good stuff for the net though- happy customer, will visit again.
Getting there was slightly nightmarish- they held it at the vets hall on the same day they close down the vets hall parking lot for a Farmer's Market. And their web site lied about the time, so we showed up late. The wife ended up dumping me off at the front door and parking in the sticks.
Fortunately there weren't many scouts & dealers at the sale so we still did fine.
Then it was home to wrangle up a BBQ for the Youngfriends(tm) & Timmy, Burl & Fiend. This was my first turn at the grill, Uncle Timmy having handled the honors for Fuss's birthday.
There were some expected first timer pitfalls. A deficit of coals I left too long in the starter, necessitating an emergency run to the store (thx MEGGSIE), some adventures preparing the chicken breasts for their payload of sun dried tomatoes, basil & goat cheese, and an unfortunate collision between my majestic ass and Meggsie's paint stand, which shattered her "creepy doll head" (Devra's description, not mine) and blew up the pot with her new Monkey's Paw plant.
Omelets & breaking eggs and all that.
The gals had been painting, and while inspecting their latest the talk turned to inspiration and creativity, and how much of it they both felt while working on the patio. I thought mom would like that since her outlets were mostly blocked, by circumstance & temperament.
When we moved in, the guy downstairs had locked the patio door, walled it off behind boxes, and buried the patio itself in a startling array of junk. The lock was frozen solid- I had to replace the knob to get it open.
I'm not big into feng shui, but c'mon now.
Now it's the place where plants and paintings grow, where Meggsie plays her piano while the Fiend dances around the living room and we drink beer outside, in mist suffused with warm light from the windows and open door and cascading notes ring the muffled air.
A tide of fresh garlic bread smell poured down over the deck from the oven upstairs, crashed into the rising scents off the grill and swirled together like a wild Van Gogh night sky.
I moved the food around the fire, listening, watching.
We hit two library sales last month and both yielded varied, delightful fruit.
The El Oh sale is cheap, long on 'stock' (good books that aren't worth selling on line- these go to the store for trade credit) and thin on net books as a percentage.
We still made out fine- bought ~10 boxes of books, listed roughly two boxes and have already sold enough to pay for the sale and generate a profit.
Yesterday was our first trip up to the Cambria sale, and I was impressed. Lots of specific, oddball stuff- prime territory for good net books. Relatively expensive- we spent the same amount on half as many books. Lots of good stuff for the net though- happy customer, will visit again.
Getting there was slightly nightmarish- they held it at the vets hall on the same day they close down the vets hall parking lot for a Farmer's Market. And their web site lied about the time, so we showed up late. The wife ended up dumping me off at the front door and parking in the sticks.
Fortunately there weren't many scouts & dealers at the sale so we still did fine.
Then it was home to wrangle up a BBQ for the Youngfriends(tm) & Timmy, Burl & Fiend. This was my first turn at the grill, Uncle Timmy having handled the honors for Fuss's birthday.
There were some expected first timer pitfalls. A deficit of coals I left too long in the starter, necessitating an emergency run to the store (thx MEGGSIE), some adventures preparing the chicken breasts for their payload of sun dried tomatoes, basil & goat cheese, and an unfortunate collision between my majestic ass and Meggsie's paint stand, which shattered her "creepy doll head" (Devra's description, not mine) and blew up the pot with her new Monkey's Paw plant.
Omelets & breaking eggs and all that.
The gals had been painting, and while inspecting their latest the talk turned to inspiration and creativity, and how much of it they both felt while working on the patio. I thought mom would like that since her outlets were mostly blocked, by circumstance & temperament.
When we moved in, the guy downstairs had locked the patio door, walled it off behind boxes, and buried the patio itself in a startling array of junk. The lock was frozen solid- I had to replace the knob to get it open.
I'm not big into feng shui, but c'mon now.
Now it's the place where plants and paintings grow, where Meggsie plays her piano while the Fiend dances around the living room and we drink beer outside, in mist suffused with warm light from the windows and open door and cascading notes ring the muffled air.
A tide of fresh garlic bread smell poured down over the deck from the oven upstairs, crashed into the rising scents off the grill and swirled together like a wild Van Gogh night sky.
I moved the food around the fire, listening, watching.
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